Carrie Prejean Gay Kerfuffle: Relax, Donald Trump’s On It
This stuff about Miss California Carrie Prejean is a mess. It’s a mess that only a man can fix.
OK, not a man. It’s a mess that only a ridiculous shaved bear in a gaudy suit with what appears to be an orangutan’s hairy bottom perched on top of his head can fix. And by that, we clearly mean Donald Trump.
Donald Trump has vowed to personally get to the bottom of Carrie Prejean’s recent anti-gay activities. No, sorry, ‘bottom’ is an unfortunate choice of word. He’s vowed to bum it blind in a nightclub toilet. There, that’s better.
Poor old Carrie Prejean. The only thing she’s guilty of is having skin so orange that everyone within 50 feet of her feels uncomfortable unless they’re wearing a hazmat suit. Sure, she might have accidentally blurted out a torrent of unfortunate anti-gay invective at the Miss USA pageant, but so what? Beauty queens are supposed to be stupid, remember? We prefer beauty queens who genuinely believe that thunder is the sound of clouds banging together or that Narnia is a real country. The thicker the better, that’s the beauty queen rule.
But Carrie Prejean wouldn’t let it lie. Since Miss USA she’s been swept up by the conservative cause and has appeared in anti-gay adverts as well as getting her bottom out for a photograph four years ago. Clearly, things are getting out of hand, with some saying that Carrie Prejean should be stripped of her Miss California title and others saying “BERN ALL THE GAYE KWEERS!!1!”. Admittedly, most of the latter appear to have used the hecklerspray comment section as their soapbox, but whatever.
But don’t worry, because here comes the calvalry. Donald Trump has promised to wade in and sort out the Carrie Prejean issue personally. Why? Here’s why:
1 - Donald Trump is head of the Miss USA organisation and this is his professional responsibility.
2 - Donald Trump realises that this problem can only be solved by a ludicrous man bellowing and jabbing his fingers about a bit.
3 - Donald Trump realises that this has been in the news for over a week and it’s his turn to get some bloody attention, goddamn it.
So tomorrow there’s going to be a press conference, after which we’re never going to hear about any of this again. Hopefully. Fox reports:
Trump said there are “things to look at,” but, “hopefully it will be a positive decision.” … Trump skirted around questions as to whether Prejan’s photos violated any pageant rules. “Most of these girls are models,” Trump said. “They do things that are not necessarily a bad thing. And look, Carrie is a seriously good looking girl. Because of her looks, [they] are making such a big deal with this.”
Donald Trump makes a good point here – people are only getting upset with Carrie Prejean because she’s pretty. The moral here is that you should only be a horrible reactionary bigot if you’ve got a face that looks like a human scrotum stuffed with Stickle Bricks. Which, we think, means that Donald Trump can pretty much say whatever he likes without fear of consequence. It’s a win-win, really.
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Donald Trump can only say what he likes with no consequences because he OWNS THE BEAUTY PAGEANT. He’s lucky he didn’t start one in a socialist country, or else he’d have to keep his gob shut. The real controversy here is- why doesn’t Stewie Heritage shut his? The only rational solution here is to murder Miss CA USA before she says anything else that’s controversial.
what is appalling is the tenor of character attacks against someone who has a right via freedom of speech to a conservative opinion even if it isnt the public accepted standard of the moment. It is amazing to me that “being anti establishment these days” is anyone that has a conservative perspective and voice, and just like those that were anti establishment in the past they get called egregious names in public forums such as this. the true double standards with the attacks and incredibly the women groups that should be defending her are being politically correct and not standing up for her and often times are the very ones throwing the daggers. the photos are no less racy than the bikinis the women wear in competition; retribution via a true agenda is another matter a shame that deceptive practices are being used to try and reach their goal of squashing opinions that are their opinions of the moment
Of course, saying “This person, when commenting about matters which are entirely beyond her comprehension, but are manifestly none of her fucking business said stupid, bigoted things. Let us all point and laugh”, is also free speech, innit?
I see she now blames Satan for that question. So, by logical deduction, that makes Hecklerspray the snarky, lesser-known Blighty version of Beelzebub.
Cool.
Carrie, you can’t win. You’re damned if you do what beauty queens do (half naked photos) and you’re damned if you do what beauty queens don’t (highly polarised ethical questions).
On the positive side, since nobody can hate you more than they already do, you could get work as a roving personnel consultant, choosing and firing all the hundreds of thousands of people who must lose their jobs as this recession bottoms out.
It is apparent that after receiving an answer from Mss. Prejean that homosexuals abhor, the shameless sodomites managed to manipulate the harlots of the press, shifting the issue from same sex marriage to Miss Prejean irrelevant moral character, who gave an honest answer in line with her believes to a question posed by opportunist sodomite Perez Hilton AKA, Mario Lavandeira, who has no qualms in using Miss Prejean, and the American Pageant Organization to farther promote his perverted agenda. Anyone that believes two men having anal sex constitutes a normal alternate lifestyle establishing a natural right for same sex marriage is a moral deviant therefore he is deficient in all he does, and he must be barred from public service alongside all homosexuals.