As the poor man’s Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra is constantly chasing Pammy’s tail and doing her best to keep up.
First Pamela Anderson was in Baywatch, then Carmen Electra was. First Pamela Anderson was in Playboy, then Carmen Electra was. First Pamela Anderson made rubbish films that nobody likes, then Carmen Electra did. In fact, take away the internet sex tape and the Hepatitis and you’re basically looking at the same person.
However, Pamela Anderson recently ended her third marriage. Hey, Carmen – her third! You’ve only been married twice. Quick! Get engaged to someone! Anyone! We don’t care who! What? You’ve found a man who looks like a weather-beaten uninflated vinyl panda doll that’s been dressed up as one of My Chemical Romance? Yeah, we’ll suppose he’ll do.
Make no mistake about it, Carmen Electra is a catch. By which we means she looks like you’d catch all sorts of diseases if you ever touched her bare flesh. And trust us, there are plenty of men who’ve touched Carmen Electra’s bare flesh.
However, there’s no shortage of men who still find Carmen Electra attractive. According to yesterday’s FHM Sexiest Women list, Carmen Electra is the 34th most sexy woman on the planet, and men are still prepared to pay $50,000 just for an evening with her. And now that her marriage to Dave Navarro has unequivocally failed, Carmen Electra can take her pick.
What sort of man will Carmen Electra go for? Someone tall and rugged? No. Someone athletic and windswept? No. Someone who looks like he’s been moulded from soggy cookie dough and dresses like he’s 25 years younger than he actually is? No. No, wait. Yes. Yes, that’s exactly the type of man that Carmen Electra will go for.
We know this because Carmen Electra has just got engaged for the third time. And this time the lucky chap is Rob Patterson. Now, Rob Patterson used to be a touring guitarist for Korn, a job with all of the shame that comes with people thinking you’re in Korn and with none of the money that comes with actually being in Korn. Imagine what a part-time touring guitarist for Korn looks like, because that’s exactly how Rob Patterson looks.
Anyway, Carmen Electra and Rob Patterson are engaged, and we’re sure that they’ll be very happy together for the three months before they decide to split up. People reports:
Carmen Electra is engaged to her boyfriend, guitarist Rob Patterson, her rep Jill Fritzo confirms to PEOPLE. “He told friends three days ago that he got engaged,” adds a source. “The ring is a black diamond set in white diamonds.” Patterson, 37, who is the former touring guitarist for Korn, popped the question over the weekend while he and Electra were in Las Vegas to celebrate her 36th birthday, says the source. The couple have been dating less than a year.
Rob Patterson is undoubtedly a very brave man – Carmen Electra’s previous husbands were basketball ace Dennis Rodman and guitarist extraordinaire Dave Navarro, so he certainly has a lot to live up to. So Rob Patterson must really love Carmen Electra. Or at least love having uncooked pasta shoved up his bottom while being racially insulted during sex. In fact, it’s probably just the pasta/ racism thing. He’s got that look about him.
Or he hasn’t. Nobody sue us.
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