So Us Weekly is now saying that Khloe Kardashian is pregnant with boyfriend Tristan Thompson’s baby and do you know who doesn’t give a fuck? Me. I don’t. Normally I would, but I just can’t with these bitches anymore. It’s gonna be a no from me, Khlo-Money.
In the past month, I’ve announced that Kim was having her third kid via surrogacy, then Kylie was knocked up by Travis Scott, and now Khloe is pregnant, too? All within a month of season 14 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians premiering? I’m sorry, but no. I’m not getting trolled like this.
Kris Jenner might have made some sort of blood deal with Satan (aka Kathy Lee Gifford), but I don’t even believe SHE’S this good to have 3 out of 5 daughters expecting kids at the exact same time. This is not real life and it’s not even realistic publicity anymore.
All of a sudden, I don’t even believe Kim’s ass was robbed in Paris last year anymore because after all these years I officially don’t even remotely trust the Kardashians. Unless Kris is going around poking holes in everyone’s condoms and replacing their birth control with tic tacs (Ok…I believe she’d do that), this shit is too out there even for me.
Lena Dunham said some of her friends were triggered by Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy, which I totally get because I also get triggered when inanimate objects become pregnant with human children because that is SCARY, but I did not consider myself ACTUALLY triggered by the Kardashians until right now.
I don’t know what they’re doing, but for once I’m not buying into it, and I have a Kylie lipkit so I will clearly buy into everything.
I 100% won’t believe that ANY of these hoes are pregnant until I see them hauling a baby out of their vagina on E! just like Kourtney did with her first kid. I’m sorry, but that’s the only way I’m buying into this utter foolishness.