Cameron Diaz To Hear ‘Sound Of Music’?

hecklerspray has never really seen the point of musicals.

Disagree with us? Just sit down and watch a couple, for Chrissakes: garish, neon, sickening mug-fests in which the entire cast delight in jettisoning any sort of dignity in favour of prancing around and warbling about whatever colour hat they’re wearing.

We remain equally baffled, then, by the continual heralding of nightmare-via-projector ‘epic’ The Sound Of Music as some sort of wonderful cinematic masterpiece.

Therefore we reveal the following with some trepidation: original star Julie Andrews is recommending Cameron Diaz for the lead role in an upcoming theatrical version.

Cameron Diaz (DVDs) in The Sound Of Music? Sounds bad enough, right?

Wrong.

In an even more horrifying turn of events - kind of like thinking you’ve stepped in some dog mess only to find a crushed kitten foetus on the bottom of your shoe - the head honcho of this new production of The Sound Of Music has been named as none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Interestingly enough, Webber - a man whose face is so irritating it could provoke lung failure - has opted to stray from the established celebrity route. After the part was initially turned down by perfume saleswoman Scarlett Johansson, Webber has instead turned his big beady gaze to the growing crystal ball of Reality TV.

That’s right. He intends to use some sort of Musical Icon platform in order to find an ‘unknown’ deemed great enough to fill the shoes of singin’ Maria. This is actually quite good, because it will allow a few weeks of watching tone-deaf no-hopers attempt to carry a tune in a sweaty audition room This is actually quite bad, however, because a fucking musical will be made at the end.

So it’s mainly bad, then.

Read More:

Andrews Tips Diaz For Music Role - BBC News

[story by C J Davies]