The news is meant to be about giving a fair and balanced opinion about issues that will get the nation talking. However, not every day is full of stories about countries potentially going to war, Tim Henman putting us under false illusions that he’ll win Wimbledon and countless tales about Bono getting behind some kind of eco warrior project. 

Some days are never this exciting and journalists have to scrape the barrel to fill their pages for the nation to read. The Daily Mail tends to do this by warning us that asylum seeking gypsies will steal all the Polish bus drivers' jobs whilst emitting too much carbon. But now the paper is trying something different. As it tries to whip up a frenzy about Billie Piper not wearing a crash helmet. 

In what can only be described as a comedy article, The Daily Mail describes Billie and her boyfriend Lawrence Fox as “angering safety campaigners” by not wearing crash helmets “as they zoomed off near their new rural retreat in the West Sussex countryside.” Just like the Indians do when they are offended by something, we expect road safety campaigners across the country to burn images of Billie and Lawrence as a result of pure anger and rage.

Now don’t get us wrong, we know it might be a bit silly to not wear protective head gear and all that, but it's not as if they were doing 100mph on a busy motorway late at night while dodging traffic in order to get last orders in at the local boozer. Instead, they were riding through the countryside and probably enjoying the bit of sun we had before it got washed away by the pissing rain.

And if not wearing crash helmets was bad enough to cause anger and mayhem in the Daily Mail office, further fuel to the fire was added by the clothing off our crazy motorcycling pair:

“Throwing caution to the windy weather Billie wore just a cotton top and jeans, with summer shoes and a silver bag over her shoulder”

So in essence, she wore some clothes. We don’t quite see the problem with that. Perhaps however it wasn’t thick black motorcycle leathers, in order to be 100% mega safe. Remember, this isn’t a Moto GP race where racers tear up the road, leaving their opponents eating smoke and bits of tyre that we assume smack them in the chops as they whizz around the track. Just a ride down a country lane.  

Hecklerspray is now determined to get in the Daily Mail as law breakers and we have a few ways of doing so:

1 – Being parked in a 20-minute zone for 27 minutes.

2 – Not washing our hands after a much needed whizz.

3 – Buying a child’s ticket for Alton Towers even though we’re meant to be all big and grown up. 

Feel free to add more.

Read more:

Billie Piper Takes A Dangerous Ride Through The Country – Daily Mail