Bruce Jenner is the lone set of balls in the Jenner/Kardashian hell hole, but it seems that may not be the case much longer. Rumors of his secret/not so secret desire to transition to a woman have been going around for a while, and now it seems he will be getting a surgical procedure done that just confirms everything. Of course Jenner says it isn’t what it seems, but outside of Lorena Bobbiting yourself, this is the second most important surgery for any self-respecting tranny.
I know you’re probably going “WRONG BITCH! WHAT ABOUT ROB?” but let’s be real here- Rob ate his balls because he thought they donut holes. Boy is huuuuungry. And Bruce’s kids from his previous marriage don’t count because they don’t share DNA with the ultimate fame whores. Even if one did appear on The Hills.
Bruce Jenner has been sashaying his ass around town pretty proudly in his diamond earrings since splitting with Kris. He has let his hair grow longer, and his pony tail game has reached preschool toddler status. He’s even primped his face a bit, although if we’re being honest he has gone a little overboard with his eyebrow plucking. While I can appreciate you not having a bushy unibrow, you do need some brows to frame your face, Brucey. A little filler will do wonders for your look.
Any-boysdon’tcry-who, Bruce’s love for stilettos and lipstick is supposedly the reason for his pending divorce. And Kris threatened to reveal Jenner’s secret if he didn’t go along with everything she wanted in terms of the separation and using it as a rating’s ploy for the soon to finally be over Keeping Up With The Kardashians. That fear was probably the only thing holding Jenner back from telling everyone what a soul sucking wench Kris is, but with Bruce seemingly becoming more and more open with his desire to be the white RuPaul, I don’t know how much longer that threat will hold any merit.
Now it has come out that Bruce is getting a laryngeal shave, aka slicing off his Adam’s apple. Jenner has confirmed this, so this isn’t some speculation by an anonymous “source” (aka the soul sucking wench). Seeing a bobbing lump is the first tell tale sign that the person you are talking to makes sperm, no matter how much the Wet N Wild makeup, pink dress, and chicken cutlets tell you otherwise. Which is why it is so utterly ridiculous for Jenner to be getting this done if he doesn’t want to truly be Brucinda.
Jenner is claiming he is doing it because he doesn’t like his trachea. ‘Cause you know, having a large trachea can really impact one’s self esteem, just like a crooked nose or a third nipple. If he really wants this because it bothers him, I would think that after his terrible nose job, Jenner would be a little more careful about what cosmetic surgeries he would agree to. But alas some people just love the knife a little too much (See: Mickey Rourke, Joan Rivers, Heidi Whatever-her-last-name).
I think I speak for the world here when I say, GET YOUR FEMALE ON, BRUCE! No one would be surprised anymore, and we really wouldn’t lose respect for you. Let’s face it- you lost any shred of dignity you had when you became step daddy to the queen of home video sex. The only reason I could think that Bruce hasn’t come out and just admitted the truth is that he is contractually bound to let Kris use it as a storyline for the final episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. To which I say, “Whatever helps end this shit show.”