Brooke Shields can do nothing right – even the aviation disasters she participates in are underwhelming.

You see, Brooke Shields was in a plane crash. Don’t worry, though, because it was crap. There was no fire, no twisted shards of steel and glass. Not even any injuries, in fact – Brooke Shields’ plane simply rolled backwards after landing and damaged a car’s wing mirror.

That sounds quite mediocre, but we’re not done yet. The plane’s other passenger was Jim Belushi. Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi in a pointlessly minor plane crash. You just can’t get more mediocre than that. Not without the involvement of Keane, anyway.

We don’t know about you, but we’re going to spend the rest of the day constructing a giant shrine to God’s benevolence. Why? Because he prevented Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi from perishing in a fiery plane crash recently. Imagine what the world would be like if it didn’t contain the stars of three separate K-9 movies and that show that was a bit like Sex And The City but somehow even worse. Imagine it. You can’t, can you? That’s how integral both Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi are to your day-to-day lives.

Here comes a description of the Brooke Shields/ Jim Belushi plane disaster, courtesy of CNN. Readers are advised that they might find aspects of the next paragraph distressing:

A small Cessna carrying Shields and Belushi ran into a parked SUV. After landing the plane, the pilot left the aircraft without securing the brakes…”The pilot got out, but he forgot to set the parking brake,” [police spokesman Rob] Bryn said. The plane rolled a few feet into a parked rental SUV, breaking its side view mirror and scraping the side of the vehicle, but no injuries were reported.

We honestly can’t think of anything worse than that scenario. Well, you know, apart from being on a plane and only having the choice between a Brooke Shields movie and a Jim Belushi movie for entertainment. That’d be pretty crap. Or, come to think of it, being in any enclosed space with Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi for any amount of time – we have an incredibly low tolerance for listening to people bang on about how much better the world was when they were famous.

Anyway, we’re pleased to report that nobody was injured in the crash. Sadly there’s no footage of the prang available, but that shouldn’t be a problem – there’s a good chance that either Brooke Shields or Jim Belushi will imminently attempt to adapt the accident into a movie. They’d be idiots not to – because, having seen much of their existing work, it goes without saying that a feature-length blockbuster about a small plane slowly rolling backwards for a few feet and then bumping into a car would be the most exciting thing that either Brooke Shields or Jim Belushi had ever put their name to.

But, more than anything, the important thing is that Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi are OK. Actually, that’s a lie. The most important thing is that Kiefer Sutherland wasn’t also a passenger at the time. Given his history of over-zealously protecting the virtue of Brooke Shields, there’s a good chance that he’d still be on the airstrip now, repeatedly headbutting the plane into submission.

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