Anyone who watched Hogan Knows Best a) has way too much time on their hands and b) could see that the Hogans seemed happy enough.
They weren’t – as soon as the show finished Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan got divorced and took up with insanely young new partners, Nick Hogan wrapped his car around a tree and went to jail and Brooke Hogan… well that chin of hers isn’t looking any less weird, is it?
So what’s going on? Maybe we’ll never know – after all, the Hogans have sold themselves out to the media before and it’s ended in tears, so the sensible thing to do would be to close ranks and figure out their problems in private. Or, if you’re Brooke Hogan, you’ll just go on Access Hollywood and yammer on about it for ages instead. Which is much more fun. Thanks Brooke!
Looking at the Hogan family, it’s remarkable that they stayed together this long. One parent is a veiny, abnormally large brute with bad hair and skin the colour of a bruised testicle who runs around in tiny red knickers for a living, and the other one is Hulk Hogan.
It couldn’t last, and it didn’t. Linda Hogan filed for divorce from Hulk Hogan right after the family’s reality TV show Hogan Knows Best stumbled to a conclusion, claiming that the marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’ – which we think is code for ‘my husband just beat me in an arm wrestle for the first time ever and it’s affected my sense of self-worth’.
Meanwhile, son Nick Hogan crashed his car so badly that his passenger will remain in constant care for the rest of his life, and he’s ended up doing solitary in jail for it. It’s not a perfect state of affairs by any means, and you get the feeling that if the family ever made another reality TV show it’d probably be called something like Look At This Awful Bunch Of Clueless Dickheads.
But, anyway, what about Brooke Hogan? Now that her brother’s in jail, she’s left all by herself – torn between a father who had it off with one of her friends and a mother that’s currently having it off with a boy she used to go to school with.
What would you do in Brooke Hogan’s situation? Go on Access Hollywood and spout off about all your family’s darkest problems in front of an audience of millions for no constructive reason whatsoever? Good, because that’s what Brooke Hogan chose to do as well. MSNBC quotes Brooke:
“I don’t know it’s — it’s been pretty nuts… I have to admit I did have a little bit of a breakdown one time about that ‘cause my brother and I are inseparable… I do feel like if someone can see me slip up, you know, they would love it because it would complete the family craziness.â€
Good for Brooke Hogan, we say. She’s seen the damage that a reality TV show can do to people and – regardless of how stupidly the rest of her family has decided to act in public in the wake of Hogan Knows Best – she’s determined to live the rest of her life with as much dignity as possible, keen never to repeat the past mistakes made by herself and those around her.
Congratulations, Brooke! We have nothing but respect for you!
Brooke Hogan’s new reality TV show Brooke Knows Best debuts on VH1 this Sunday. We’re not making this up. Christ, what a hopeless jizzpot that girl is.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
In America there are no families,
only brands. Brooke is just doing
her patriotic duty to rescue the
Hogan brand. Or milk it while she can, actually.
Who watches this unmitigated crap, anyway?
Retarded meth addicts? Maybe if we forced the TV
execs who produce this shit to actually sit through it
we would get something worth watching on the box.
Ah, VH1. Where the “100 Most Metal Moments” meets “Hey I Was Alive During The 80′s Also! This Guy On TV And I Share Common Experiences!”
Cultural bankruptcy with a hint of nostalgia gives way to a basic cable wonderland of masturbatory pap. Mix with reality TV, et voila.
Dam she is hot! www . christianshomedecor . com
you all are just bunch of haters.
i hate the show too, but at least brooks reforming.
so what she said all that about her family! maybe she did it so no one would repeat her and her family’s mistakes.
and then you sarcastically say:”Congratulations, Brooke! We have nothing but respect for you!” when brook admits that they all fucked up.
what a shame.
Wow, Mar mar, you post just like Euclid!
Kind of.
But I’m not sure about your
grasp of open form
poetry. I’d suggest iambic
pentameter may be more
your cup of tea.
“maybe she did it so no one would repeat her and her family’s mistakes.”
It seems you missed the part where she’s getting her own show? That’s essentially a refocused version of Hogan Knows Best?
Maybe you could try reading, THEN posting. Or just read and not post. Yes, that sounds better.
Oh, Rob, I am well and truly slighted.
Where in Mar-Mar’s blurred murmurs
do you find the Euclidian poesy?
She didn’t even use the CAPS LOCK.
The torrent of bitter tears are rotting the wood
on my little cart, rusting the axle, and in general
wreaking havoc upon my miserable estate.
I must either raise the bar, lower it, or prop
myself diligently against it until the finer flowers
of this my native tongue bloom incontrovertible.
Lovely. Just, lovely…
what a lame article…hulk hogan is an american hero..brooke is nice enough…who is the person that wrote this crap?, a big fat nobody…lol
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