Britney Spears (CDs/DVDs/Perfume) has not even pushed her screaming tiny baby out of her belly button yet, but she’s already making plans for her future, signing up for a movie all about motor racing.

She’d already got our hopes up by claiming she’d turn her back on her career once she became a mother. But that was almost two weeks ago, a lifetime in the fickle world of celebrity.

Britney obviously wants to follow her immense success in the critically acclaimed multi-award winning blockbuster Crossroads – which actually wasn’t successful or acclaimed, and didn’t win any awards except Worst Actress and Worst Original Song at the Razzies.

Somehow the new film seems to, on first inspection at least, even worse. Britney will also be the producer of Trading Paint, a film that revolves around the world’s dullest sport – motor racing.

She obviously hasn’t learnt anything from Days Of Thunder, a relentless drone of a film about a man driving a car and falling in love, and also possibly the worst Tom Cruise film. And she hasn’t realised that the worst part of all the Star Wars (DVDs) films was the interminable pod race sequence in The Phantom Menace.

Trading Paint even manages to pick the worst type of motor racing. As dirty and mind-numbing and arrogant as Formula One is, at least the cars look a bit spaceshippy. Trading Paint
concerns itself with NASCAR racing, a kind of brain-curdling spectacle
with normal looking cars that go round in circles, seemingly for days
at a time.

The premise is this – two rival NASCAR racers are involved in a huge
crash and lose touch with real life, only to be brought back for a
final race by a beautiful young woman (hello Britney!). So it’s Rocky with airbags, then. The world holds its breath for this one, eager to see just how cack it will manage to be. Britney – prove us wrong.

Life’s not all peachy creamy, baby-bellied, motor racing joy for Britney, though. A songwriter is now suing her for copyright infringement, claiming she stole the song Sometimes
from him. He says the song was written in 1990, and it appeared nine
years later on her debut album. Apparently the lyrics are almost
identical, and he reportedly has an email from Britney acknowledging
that the song was his.

Britney has a lot to deal with: she’s overwhelmed with the lawsuit
and producing this rubbish-sounding film, all the while putting up with
the stresses of being a mother to be, like throwing up all the time and
eating all kinds of crazy crap.

Will it all get too much for her? We’ll let you know first.

[story by Stuart Heritage]