These days you literally can't walk into a department store without some over-lacquered bimbette squirting you in the eyes with chemicals until you drop on the floor, then to start screaming at your convulsing torso about the new perfume by Celine Dion.

The cult of celebrity perfumes has got way out of hand lately – with even David Beckham bottling his stink for cash – but the two reigning queens of celebrity perfume are Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Between them, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have sold gallons of their fragrance to lorryloads of idiots who seem to think that smelling like a drink-driver or a bald woman who believes she is the devil is somehow desirable, but which smells better – Curious by Britney Spears or Heiress by Paris Hilton?

Yeah, that one's kept us awake at night too, so thank the baby Jesus for Design Crack, the blog that's conducting an unusually in-depth battle of the celebrity perfumes. Round one is, yup, Britney Spears Vs Paris Hilton. We don't want to give away the result, but you do get a free life-sized dog when you buy Heiress…

Read more:

Celebrity Smell-Off One: Britney Spears Versus Paris Hilton – Design Crack