Madonna’s world tour is to be called Sticky And Sweet – we’re trying not to think about what makes it sticky, but it’s sweet because she’s making Britney Spears famous again.
It’s been revealed that Britney Spears is filming a special video that’ll be used each night as part of Madonna’s Sticky And Sweet show. As yet, nobody knows if this video will be a performance of their Me Against The Music duet or a rehash of their infamous 2003 lesbian kiss.
Fingers crossed for the latter, because it’s pretty much every man’s dream to see a mentally unwell recovering psychiatric patient jabbing her tongue in and out of a mouth belonging to a woman who’s five and a half weeks away from being eligible for a SAGA membership. Right boys? Wooar! Etc!
History will one day show that the lesbian kiss shared between Madonna and Britney Spears at the 2003 MTV awards wasn’t actually a kiss. Madonna wasn’t sharing saliva with Britney, she was gobbling all the energy out of the poor girl’s mouth.
Look at the facts – pre-kiss, Britney Spears was the hottest pretend schoolgirl virgin in the world, capable of turning even a simple plea for domestic violence into a teen anthem, while Madonna had just released the worst album of her life, the album where she rapped about being super-duper in her Mini Cooper. We envy anyone who can’t remember it.
But post-kiss, Madonna’s the woman with all the power to brainwash the world’s most expensive athletes with religion, while Britney Spears has either been pregnant or bald or locked away in a mental hospital. It’s roughly the same trick that Madonna tried with Guy Ritchie, except it took longer to find what energy he had because there wasn’t so much of it around.
Anyway, maybe Madonna feels guilty for destroying Britney Spears’ life with her wrinkly old tongue, because it seems like she’s asked Britney to contribute to her forthcoming world tour. MSNBC reports:
Despite rumors that Spears would join Madonna onstage, she will join Madonna on her tour, but only through a taped video performance, “Access” has confirmed. “Britney’s doing a video piece this week for Madonna’s new tour,” Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolph, told “Access.” However, what exactly the video will be is a “secret.”
Still, whatever form Britney Spears’ Madonna video will take, it’s clearly designed to ease Britney back into the world of entertainment in a way that doesn’t involve hopeless sitcom cameos. Who knows, maybe the Britney Spears video will even outclass Madonna and send the old lady spiralling back towards the trashheap again.
Let’s hope not – not because we like Madonna or anything, but because we’re scared that if that happens Madonna is going to try and lesbian kiss Miley Cyrus‘ face off next. And we’re pretty sure we read something in the Bible about how that exact thing will bring about the end of the world.
Rob Delaney says
Madonna scares the sh1t out of me.