Before Kevin Federline, before the babies, before the vagina, before the going bald and attacking cars with an umbrella then calling herself the devil in rehab and trying to kill herself, Britney Spears was a singer.
Not that you'd remember that now, though – it's been so long since anyone thought of Britney Spears as anything but a car-crash nutjob with bad taste in fashion, awful taste in men and worse taste in deciding who to show her vagina to that any memories of Britney Spears the megastar pop singer have been eclipsed by a slightly nasty image of Britney blasting soupy vomit onto a boy's lap. But Britney Spears is determined to change that, with rumours growing that a brand new Britney Spears single – entitled Gimme More – is set to be released to radio next week. But what is it that Britney Spears wants more of? Hair? Babies? Knickers? Expensive dresses that she can smear dogshit all over? Oh, we're so excited.
The last time Britney Spears released a single, the world was a very different place. The internet had not been invented yet, nor had nylon, balloons or music. They were simple times, when celebrities managed to go for days at a time without getting drunk and crashing their car or trying to kill themselves because people took their picture sometimes. But Britney Spears has decided that enough is enough, and she's apparently ready to release a brand new single to radio next week.
Although the initial Britney Spears comeback – a 16-minute mimeathon in a club full of rubberneckers – was hampered when Britney was accused of child abuse, reports have reached fever-pitch that next week Britney Spears will release her first single for two and a half years to radio. And Britney Spears has been through so much in those last two and a half years – the joy of childbirth, the agony of divorce, the emptiness of rehab, the liberating breeziness of not wearing any knickers, the artistic freedom of wearing dresses covered in shit and grease for photo shoots, the pride of possibly having a lesbian bunk-up with a girl in a swimming pool – that there's a red-hot anticipation about Britney Spears returning with a new emotional depth and philosophical clarity that will move even Britney Spears's greatest detractors to tears. Or an inane dance song with a slightly unfortunate title given everything Britney's been through. One or the other. MSNBC reports:
A new Spears single, reportedly titled “Gimme More,” is rumored to be ready to drop as soon as next week, EW.com reports, and it’s not either of the two supposed “tracks” that were leaked online last week… Another “insider” is quoted as saying of Spears's single, ‘‘It’s a smash! She’s going to come out strong. The only question is, with all the drama, are people going to want something fun or something more serious? This is a dance single.”
Nobody can really say for sure what Gimme More by Britney Spears will actually sound like, although insiders are reporting that the song has a Justin Timberlake feel to it, which is unsurprising given that it was produced by Timbaland's protege Nate 'Danjahandz' Hills. But, if it's a hit or a miss, it's good to have Britney Spears back doing what she does best. Oh, wait, no – that's endangering the lives of her children. Anyway, our point is this – no matter how Gimme More does, Britney Spears will always be the knickerless bald-headed twice-divorced single mother of two of our hearts.
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