Grand wise old search engine-type Yahoo has revealed its 'most searched for' list of 2006.
And – annoyingly – our repeated entry of 'the hecklerspray writers are the most talented human beings alive' (six hours a day, seven months straight) has failed to make the list.
But that doesn't matter. Because the other results are almost – almost – interesting enough to stop us embarking on a murderous rampage.
Such as the fact that Britney Spears is the most widely searched for 'thing' all year.
We're not sure how Yahoo have worked this out. For example, we don't know if this result is based on how many times people entered the simple phrase 'Britney Spears', or if other variations are included, such as 'Britney Spears is rubbish' or 'Britney Spears – despite being an appalling musical 'act' and having piled on the pounds in recent years – is probably still worth a shag.'
Anyway. The top ten list of most-searched-for-things-in-the-universe-times-infinity according to Yahoo runs as follows:
10. Lindsay Lohan
Firecrotch herself bringing up the rear. We're sure this high search-ranking is entirely due to her performances in masterworks such as Herbie The Magic Talking Car, and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she has been displaying her vagina in public on an almost contractual basis.
9. Pamela Anderson
And all of a sudden it's 1993. Stop masturbating – you'll ruin your Global Hypercolour t-shirt.
8. Chris Brown
Nope. Us neither.
7. Beyonce Knowles
Thunder-thighed fizzy drinks saleswoman still capable of a good innings. Just – it would seem – not a good record.
6. American Idol
Because this clearly doesn't get enough exposure already.
5. Paris Hilton
Oh, just stop it.
4. Jessica Simpson
Presumably tallied up during the same search as 'Oddly Attractive Man-Jawed Shemales', then.
So your 'hips don't lie', do they not, love? They once tried telling us that Quantum Leap was cancelled after six seasons, when everyone knows it was five. WE WANT THE TRUTH.
Some big men hit each other. Big muscly men. Who probably shower together afterwards. Dude.
1. Britney Spears
Yeah, yeah. We told you about this. Weren't you listening? Jesus.
Okay, people. Enough is enough. We want hecklerspray on that list next year. Otherwise we're going to have to stop providing you with links to sites where people put rake handles in blenders.
And you wouldn't want that, would you?