Britney Spears: The Most Popular Thing On The Whole Wide Internet

Britney Spears Most Searched YahooGrand wise old search engine-type Yahoo has revealed its 'most searched for' list of 2006.

And – annoyingly – our repeated entry of 'the hecklerspray writers are the most talented human beings alive' (six hours a day, seven months straight) has failed to make the list.

But that doesn't matter. Because the other results are almost – almost – interesting enough to stop us embarking on a murderous rampage.

Such as the fact that Britney Spears is the most widely searched for 'thing' all year.

We're not sure how Yahoo have worked this out. For example, we don't know if this result is based on how many times people entered the simple phrase 'Britney Spears', or if other variations are included, such as 'Britney Spears is rubbish' or 'Britney Spears – despite being an appalling musical 'act' and having piled on the pounds in recent years – is probably still worth a shag.'

Anyway. The top ten list of most-searched-for-things-in-the-universe-times-infinity according to Yahoo runs as follows:

10. Lindsay Lohan

Firecrotch herself bringing up the rear. We're sure this high search-ranking is entirely due to her performances in masterworks such as Herbie The Magic Talking Car, and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she has been displaying her vagina in public on an almost contractual basis.

9. Pamela Anderson

And all of a sudden it's 1993. Stop masturbating – you'll ruin your Global Hypercolour t-shirt.

8. Chris Brown

Nope. Us neither.

7. Beyonce Knowles

Thunder-thighed fizzy drinks saleswoman still capable of a good innings. Just – it would seem – not a good record.

6. American Idol

Because this clearly doesn't get enough exposure already.

5. Paris Hilton

Oh, just stop it.

4. Jessica Simpson

Presumably tallied up during the same search as 'Oddly Attractive Man-Jawed Shemales', then.

3. Shakira

So your 'hips don't lie', do they not, love? They once tried telling us that Quantum Leap was cancelled after six seasons, when everyone knows it was five. WE WANT THE TRUTH.

2. WWE

Some big men hit each other. Big muscly men. Who probably shower together afterwards. Dude.

1. Britney Spears

Yeah, yeah. We told you about this. Weren't you listening? Jesus.

Okay, people. Enough is enough. We want hecklerspray on that list next year. Otherwise we're going to have to stop providing you with links to sites where people put rake handles in blenders.

And you wouldn't want that, would you?

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Top Searches Of 2006 – Yahoo