Boys used to think that Britney Spears was desirable instead of the sobbing, vagina-flashing double-divorcee mother of two that she seems to have become in recent months – but at least Britney has the love of the girls as a fall-back.
According to reports, Britney Spears is fighting rumours from one of Kevin Federline's friends suggesting that Britney Spears is a massive lesbian, and just at the moment that her new boyfriend has split up with her, too. It's hard to know why Isaac Cohen decided to end it with Britney Spears – maybe the memories of Britney's marriage to Kevin Federline are still too raw for her to fully commit to another man, maybe the Britney Spears lesbian rumours have a hint of truth to them and Isaac felt he couldn't compete with the girls. Or maybe it's because Britney Spears vomited a powerful jet of hot chunky grey puke into Isaac Cohen's hands in front of about a billion photographers a few weeks ago.
Yeah, we're stumped too.
Britney Spears just can't keep her men, can she? If she isn't marrying a kiss-and-tell author for 55 loving hours then she's marrying a man who couldn't rap if he had a gun to his head, who kept getting Britney accidentally pregnant and who is now more famous than Britney because he got a Super Bowl commercial and she didn't. At this rate we wouldn't be surprised if little Sean Preston and Jayden James try to dump Britney Spears for endangering their lives and fucking about with their names. But it doesn't matter about Britney Spears' reputation with men, because a friend of Kevin Federline's says that Britney has more or less been a bloody great lesbian all along. Sky reports:
Rapper Omar 'Iceman' Sharif told In Touch magazine: "Britney was into threesomes and girls. There was tons of porn in the house – but it was mostly Britney's. There were friends of hers who she would invite to her house and they would drink and party. They had their hands all over each other." But Gina Orr, spokeswoman for Britney's record label Jive, has denied that Brit ever had lesbian flings. She said simply: "It's not true."
Lesbian or not, though, Britney Spears is now a girl without a boyfriend after Isaac Cohen split up with her this weekend. We're not entirely sure how Britney Spears and Isaac Cohen met, but we expect that their eyes met across a crowded dancefloor and Isaac whispered to his friend "Who is that adorable badly-dressed creature collapsed on the floor with her vagina hanging out? I simply must meet her." From then on Britney Spears and Isaac Cohen enjoyed a whirlwind romance, taking in furiously expensive Las Vegas suites, exotic vacations and an unfortunate incident where Britney Spears gushed a tidal wave of puke all over him in a car. Strangely enough Isaac Cohen has now dumped Britney Spears, as MSNBC reports:
“They are no longer an item,” Brandi Lord, Isaac’s agent at L.A. Models told OK! magazine. Isaac reportedly broke the news to Spears in a phone call Sunday night, but apparently he’s been looking to get out of the relationship for a while. “It was a bit much for him,” a friend told the magazine. “There was a lot of drama — it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular. He likes her. They had a good time together. He was doing his best to help her out — but there is only so much one person can do.” Cohen plans to spend time “hanging out with the guys and riding his dirt bike,” says the buddy.
Dumped for a dirt bike, is there anything more demeaning? Wait, yes there is – being dumped for a dirt bike and then getting called a lesbian in the same week. And that's the one thing that Britney Spears and hecklerspray have in common.
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Ro-Ler says
He dumped a lesbian pop star? Weirdo
glamazon says
I used to not like britney, but now I really feel sorry for her. She’s nothing but washed up white trash.
Gilbert Wham says
Aren’t we all Glamazon? Aren’t we all? Good pic BTW folks, THAT’S the kind of celebrity snap I like to see at the ‘spray.