Now, the more religious of you might look at Britney Spears and think "there's a young lady going straight to hell" – but Britney Spears is determined not to go to hell, and she doesn't care how many priests she has to seduce to avoid it.
Although the whirlpool of custody cases and drug allegations and head-shaving, vagina-baring madness has overtaken Britney Spears' life at the moment, it's good to see that Britney hasn't completely turned her back on what she's good at – annoying the clergy. One of the booklet photos for Britney Spears' new album Blackout has caused controversy among Catholics because it shows Britney Spears sitting on a priest's lap in a short skirt. If anything, though, the Catholics should be pleased by this – the priest in the photo clearly isn't aroused at all by Britney Spears, and is instead wearing a facial expression halfway between "What's that smell? Has someone farted?" and "Oh Christ no, not the vagina again!"
Offending Christians is probably the easiest thing in the world to do. All you need to do is build a chocolate Jesus or crucify yourself for cash or make a film suggesting that Amelie is Jesus' granddaughter and the flurry of blustering clergymen will instantly give you all the free publicity you'll ever need.
Britney Spears already knows this thanks to her controversial role as a demented Christian on Will & Grace two years ago, and now she's getting it again because there's a picture in the artwork to her album Blackout that shows Britney Spears sitting on a disgruntled-looking priest's lap. Somewhat predictably, Catholic leaders are just as outraged as if the picture had been of Britney Spears pooing in baby Jesus' eye, as the New York Daily News reports:
Kinky photos of a half-naked Britney Spears perched on a priest's lap and leaning seductively against a church confessional sparked outrage among Catholic leaders. At least one said the saucy snapshots, which grace the singer's thumping new dance album, "Blackout," are a "bottom of the barrel" stunt from a girl who really could use some quality time spent repenting sins in a wooden cubicle. "This is all the puzzle pieces coming together. This girl is crashing," said Bill Donohue, president of the New York-based Catholic League. "She's not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she's not responsible enough. Now we see she can't even entertain."
And you know what? We agree wholeheartedly with Bill Donohue. We didn't mind seeing Britney Spears driving with her children perched on her lap. We didn't mind watching Britney Spears shave her head and attack a car and go to rehab and call herself the antichrist. We didn't mind when a judge made Britney Spears take drug-tests to prove she was capable of looking after her own children. But dressing up in a short skirt and sitting on the lap of a man who's dressed up as a priest? The disgusting witch! Let's forget all that forgiveness crap that the Bible's always banging on about and set fire to Britney's house as a punishment.
But, in fairness, we can see where these priests are coming from. If Britney Spears dressed up as a farmer for the Blackout artwork, or a chimney sweep, or a vet, those professions would be pretty riled up, too. And if Britney Spears posed for the Blackout artwork wearing the same manky decade-old T-shirt she's already worn for a month while ballooning in weight, developing all sorts of sallow skin complaints, being generally grumpy and going days at time without seeing another human being, counting all her cats as her best friends, chances are we wouldn't enjoy having our turf invaded either.