Earlier today, we may have put you off your lunch by evoking the image of Britney Spears wafting at her undercarriage in an attempt to allure a security guard who really didn’t want to have sex with the singer.

Sorry about that.

Anyway, Fernando Flores made all manner of dodgy claims about Britney, which of course, she’s completely denying. Although, she’s leaving her studs showing in the tackle as she dismisses these claims as she says that this security guard is an attention-seeking liar who made-up the allegations to get some cash.

In a statement on Britney’s official website, it says:

“This lawsuit is another unfortunate situation where someone is trying to take advantage of the Spears family and make a name for himself”

The statement continues:

“The Department of Children and Family Services conducted a proper investigation surrounding Mr. Flores’ accusations and have closed the case without any further action. Ms. Spears and her attorneys have every expectation that this matter will be dismissed by the courts.”

If this story is indeed, all cobblers, then we have to applaud Flores for his vivid imagination.

He’s talked of being flashed at Spears hitting her children with one of his belts. The best claim yet though, is that he has been left emotionally scarred when she threatened to fire him over a Slurpee. Brilliant! What attention to detail! He’s also talked about the boys being fed some crabs, even though they’re allergic. This man, if he’s lying, should be given a scriptwriter job at Skins.

Now, Britney’s ex-husband is wading in, defending his all sparring partner.

His attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, says that K-Fed isn’t having it:

“He is satisfied that the allegations are a product of economic motives. They are as baseless as they seem.”

Well this is all very weird isn’t it. What do we do now? Stand around and wait for more news we guess.

So how are you keeping? Well? Good. That’s that then.

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