Britney Spears Saves Couple From Death Or Discomfort

Jellyfish are the only creatures the world should enthusiastically push towards extinction. Oh, and snakes too - we hate the way they just look at you when you're trying to steal their eggs. It's a free country snakes!

And let's throw in baby raccoons while we're at it. The adults are OK, but the little ones sitting snug in mama raccoon's marsupial pouch reading up on different methods of garbage-can entry - well they're a danger to our children and our children's children.

But the Jellyfish though, they should be the first to go. Aside from being allowed to drive and occasionally putting their teeth in backwards, it's those gelatinous creatures of the sea that pose the greatest threat to the global geriatric. Britney Spears would likely agree with us, as she recently saw fit to fearlessly save an old couple from a beach full of the dastardly creatures.

The jellyfish are dastardly, not the old folk.

Normally today's most popular celebrity twenty-somethings have black hollow eyes because they left their souls on the devil's dotted line. Sometimes though, they can act like decent human beings. Paris Hilton did it twice - she testified against some kidnappers or something, and she gave a homo $100. We meant hobo. Aside from gay street-dwellers, there's a huge difference.

Lindsay Lohan did it once - with the help of that winking car. She saved an orphanage from a savage-dog driven mad by the HIV or something. We didn't see it. Well now Britney '666' Spears has stepped up to the plate and single-handedly rescued an old couple from swarms of jellyfish. A witness described it like this:

"[Spears] saw the old people were struggling in the water. A 6' foot in diameter Jellyfish had afixed itself to the older gentleman's face as he tread water, and the older woman began to choke in the shallows as she gorged herself on the jellyfish young. Britney grabbed a spear gun and dove into the water from her golden kayak…"

We lost you at spear gun, right? As it should be. That whole exciting bit was a lie. The truth only involves a friendly verbal warning to the couple in passing, and went like this:

"Be careful, there are lots of Man o' War jellyfish washing up on shore, you don't want to get stung."

See that? Not nearly as good.

Read More:

Britney Spears' Jellyfish Warning - ShowBiz News