Ah, no, wait – that headline should have read 'Britney Spears Released From Hospital, Despairing Scenes And A Sense That Nobody's Learnt Anything Ensues'. Our bad, sorry.
Anyway, by now you've probably guessed that Britney Spears has been given an early release from her padded room in the psychiatric hospital where she was being held. And you probably also guessed that, now she's been medically classified as Gravely Disabled, the paparazzi and press would back off and let her recover out of basic human decency.
And you're right – Britney Spears' release was only followed by 20 car-swarming paparazzi, two news helicopters and everyone watching the live feed of Britney leaving the hospital and driving through Los Angeles on TV at home. Which is sort of backing off a bit, right? No? Fair enough.
Funny how things work out, isn't it? Less than a week ago we were all being told that Britney Spears was so mentally unwell that she wasn't even able to feed or dress herself and that her two-week stay in the UCLA psychiatric hospital was so fraught with danger that Britney's accommodation was a padded room replete with a leather-strapped bed in case she got too fighty. And now Britney Spears has been released from hospital already because she's all better.
Which seems a bit, you know, quick.
Anyway, this is how the New York Daily News reported Britney Spears' breakout:
In a surprise move, Britney Spears was sprung from the UCLA Medical Center mental ward Wednesday and immediately began driving her new black Mercedes-Benz coupe around Los Angeles, leading a pack of paparazzi on a low-speed chase. The surreal scene of the deranged diva smoking cigarettes as she tried to ditch the shutterbugs during the afternoon rush hour was followed by at least two news helicopters and broadcast live on Los Angeles TV… "The doctors decided that as long as she's taking her medication – which she has been doing – Britney is no longer a threat," a source close to Spears' family told Life & Style magazine.
So that's great – Britney Spears is a free woman again, she's not so mentally ill that she's a danger to herself and that man who apparently mashed drugs into her food has been banned from getting too close to her for the time being. Plus Britney's Dad is still in control of all her stuff, so everything's great, right? This is a happy ending for all involved. And Britney Spears' parents have given a statement to express just how joyful they actually are about this news:
"As parents of an adult child in the throes of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter Britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe. We are deeply concerned about our daughter's safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk."
Oh, OK, maybe 'joyful' wasn't the exact word we were looking for.
So what now for Britney Spears? Clearly she's still not mentally great – she's already hanging out with her creepy paparazzo boyfriend again – and it looks like no lessons have been learnt by anyone involved whatsoever.
The paparazzi seem to be just as determined to drive Britney Spears as close to the edge of suicide as possible in order to get a semi-decent photograph of her even though they know she's in the most dangerous state of her life, and Britney Spears seems to still be intent on courting them by endlessly driving around LA with her windows down so that she can chat to them in a confusing British accent each time she stops at a set of lights.
And we count ourselves in this, too – we haven't learnt any lessons at all. Not a single one. We still think that Schizophrenia is the capital of Sweden. And, thus, the circle of life goes on.
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Doublewide says
Awesome!
You go gurl! Check out time is 11:00
mst3kster says
I hope Britney’s not that far out of her mind that she forgot where she keeps her loaded pistol.
Pssst, Britney look on the nightstand.
Meat says
Degenerate Amerikkka