Things Britney Spears should learn, part 274 – when judges accuse you of being such a bad parent that you must take random drug tests, it's probably not a great idea to go out dancing on nightclub tables with a sock on your head.
But, hey, that's Britney Spears – if you can't teach her how to put a rudimentary dance routine together, you sure as hell can't teach her that going out partying directly after a judge called her a habitually drunk drug abuser is the fastest way to lose her kids. As more claims emerge about Britney Spears' parenting skills – this time Britney keeps her babies awake until late so they don't wake her in the mornings – it's been reported that Britney Spears hit the clubs of LA for a badly-timed all-night party this week. And it gets worse – Britney Spears was partying with Avril Lavigne. Those poor kids, not only do they have a potentially drug-addict mother and a waster father, but now they have to put up with smelly Auntie Avril lurching about the place too? That's just wrong.
The best thing about Britney Spears at the moment is that there isn't a single aspect of her life free from her prodigious talent for screwing things up. Thanks to Britney Spears turning her MTV VMA performance into an orgy of tranquilised stumbling and dead-eyed hopelessness her career is dangling by a thread, thanks to the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight the word has seen how mired in habitual and continuous drug abuse Britney's personal life as become – plus Britney's perfume smells like crap.
If you were in Britney Spears' position right now, what would you do? Postpone plans for that comeback album to concentrate on cleaning up your life and learning how to become a better mother? Throw yourself into work as hard as you can prove to the world that you can still cut it as the planet's premier popstress? Or go out dancing on tables in LA nightclubs with Avril Lavigne and one of your socks on your head like you're the token low self-esteemed attention-seeker out on some sort of screeching special needs hen party? Because you'll never guess which of these options Britney Spears took this week. That's right – Britney threw herself into work as hard as she co… no, wait, that's not right. The sock-headed screeching hen party one. That's the one that Britney Spears did, as People reports:
After a judge ordered random drug tests for Britney Spears, the singer hit the Los Angeles nightclub scene overnight Tuesday with Avril Lavigne. Followed by a pack of paparazzi, Spears first was seen at Winston's in West Hollywood with Lavigne and Spears's friend Alli Sims. The women left around 1 a.m., and Spears was later spotted at Hyde Lounge in West Hollywood until the club closed. "They kept bringing (Spears) shots and so they were drinking," says a Hyde observer. "She was dancing on the tables trying to be really sexy, even putting a black sock over her head as a hat, and putting on a show for everyone."
Ah, the old 'black sock over your head as a hat' trick. There's nothing sexier, apart from possibly beating up a car with an umbrella and then vomiting on a boy, as any man knows. But Britney Spears' nightclub jaunt couldn't have been any more spectacularly badly-timed – tabloids are claiming that Britney Spears has now taken to forcing Sean Preston and Jayden James to stay awake until late at night so they're too tired to wake up and start crying in the mornings. Apparently it takes Kevin Federline three days to stop the kids being upset after Britney Spears has looked after them, although that may just be because it takes infants three days to block out the sound of Popozao being played on a nightmarishly deafening loop all the time.
But, seriously now, what's it going to take to make Britney Spears realise the stupefying level of her own irresponsibility? She's clearly putting the custody of her children in jeopardy by going out so soon after a judge has called her a drug addict and a drunk, but how much worse does it have to get? Remember that Britney Spears has already smeared herself in shit and indulged in public nudity and even tried to kill herself , so that doesn't leave a lot of room for things to actually get worse. Obviously she could get back with Kevin Federline and have more kids with him, but that's a proposition too ghastly for us to even comprehend.