Britney Spears Not Up For Hit & Run Any More

A normal person would quickly fall to pieces if they had to suffer through as many personal problems as Britney Spears does, but somehow Britney Spears manages to hold it all- no, wait, sorry, Britney Spears fell to pieces a long time ago.

But the gigantic bone-dense dark cloud hanging over Britney Spears' head has just got a fraction of a percent lighter, because Britney Spears has avoided the hit and run charge she's faced ever since she was photographed careering into a parked car and walking away, purely because Britney Spears decided to apologise to the car's owner. So it looks like everything's coming up Millhouse for Britney Spears - and now all she has to do is regain custody of her children, act like a responsible mother, stop partying so much, rebuild the broken relationships with her family, learn to accept advice from others, not marry any more rednecks, grow her hair back to a normal length and learn what knickers are for and she'll be almost back to normal.

Almost.

It's a shame that Ocean Finance doesn't have a service to consolidate an individual's explosively-splintered personal problems into one manageable chunk, because we get the feeling Britney Spears would eat it up wholesale. Just about every aspect of Britney Spears' life has got something wrong with it. Professionally Britney Spears is still recovering from her spellbindingly dreadful MTV VMA performance, personally Britney Spears is trying to win back custody of children in front of an endlessly judgemental world. Not even Britney Spears's right as a human being to puke on boys and try to kill herself is free from public scrutiny these days.

But at least Britney Spears can relax in the knowledge that her legal troubles are about 50% less crap than they have been lately. Since August 6, when Britney Spears was filmed driving into a parked car then mooching away without leaving any contact details, she's had the threat of a hit and run charge hanging over her - a charge with carries a maximum sentence of six months in jail. After being booked for hit and run earlier this month, it was expected that Britney Spears would get hit with at least some kind of punishment, but she's got off scot free thanks to her ability to fess up and say sorry. The Daily Dish reports:

Britney Spears has escaped a misdemeanor hit-and-run charge, after it was dismissed in a California court. The star allegedly smashed into a parked car in a private parking lot in the San Fernando Valley on August 6 in Los Angeles while driving without a valid license. Earlier this month, Spears impressed the vehicle's owner Kim Robard-Rifkin by offering a personal apology and $1,000 in compensation, which caused the charges to be dismissed in a Van Nuys court. Spears' lawyer J. Michael Flanagan says Robard-Rifkin "is very sympathetic toward Britney and hopes the best for her."

It sounds noble of Britney Spears to apologise to Kim Robard-Rifkin and pay the $1,000 damages like that, but let's not forget that a) Britney Spears earns $1,000 an hour and b) last time Britney apologised for anything, it was for getting her vagina out - and look what happened after that.

And let's not forget that Britney Spears was also charged with not having a valid Californian driving license, a charge which still stands and also carries a maximum six-month jail sentence. Although it looks likely that a plea bargain will be reached to ensure that Britney Spears escapes with just a probation, there's still a chance that Britney Spears will get her rehab/custody/jail hat-trick in before Christmas. And if not, she'll probably have to go out mugging or something.

Read more:

Spears' Hit And Run Charges Dropped - Daily Dish