So that secret mystery witness in the Britney Spears custody case with the shocking allegations that would cause the judge to immediately snatch Britney Spears' kids away from her was a little bit disappointing in the end.
Apparently one of Britney Spears' old bodyguards named Tony Barretto – for he was the super-secret mystery witness – didn't actually get to testify in court yesterday despite allegedly having all sorts of spiffy evidence about Britney Spears and drugs, which means Britney hasn't lost custody of her children yet. Meanwhile, Britney Spears' ex-husband Kevin Federline has apparently been receiving death threats so serious that the FBI got involved. Nobody knows who wanted Kevin Federline dead, but it's probably a disgruntled owner of his album – which narrows the field down to six people in total, including Kevin Federline, Kevin Federline's mother and a squirrel that Kevin Federline once threw at CD at because it gave him a funny look.
It's fair to say that Britney Spears is having a shitty time of it at the moment. Britney Spears' MTV VMA performance disintegrated in a tornado of dead-eyed miming, clumsy choreography, bad hair and sprayed-on stomach muscles. It was a performance so bad that Britney's management team and lawyer have just legged it away from Britney like rats off a sinking ship – so whatever small victories Britney Spears can get right now must feel like epic, hard-won battles. Luckily for Britney, then, she got a couple of these victories yesterday – not only has Britney managed to not lose custody of her kids just yet, but someone apparently wants to kill Kevin Federline, too. Result!
Yesterday it was announced that Britney Spears could lose custody of her children straight away thanks to a signed declaration from a mystery witness that may have dealt with Britney Spears taking drugs and being nude in front of Sean Preston and Jayden James. But clearly that hasn't happened yet, although it might – the witness has been named as Tony Barretto, Britney's former bodyguard who was fired when he didn't hear Britney Spears asking him to pick up a hat, and he's just itching to testify. However, Barretto didn't get to testify yesterday because Britney's lawyers didn't want to cross examine him, as The Associated Press reports:
A former bodyguard for Britney Spears went to court Monday to support a sealed declaration about questionable behavior by the pop star in a child-custody dispute between the singer and ex-husband Kevin Federline — but never got to testify…Outside court, Barretto's attorney Gloria Allred issued a statement calling him a "key and secret witness." "We are shocked that Ms. Spears' attorneys chose not to cross-examine our client as to the substance of his declaration," Allred said. "Our client was prepared to testify on issues of nudity by Ms. Spears, drug use, and safety issues involving the children post-rehab."
Still, Tony Barretto looks set to play a big part in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody battle in the future, alongside other served witnesses like one of Britney Spears' old assistants, the rehab that Britney Spears went to and a girl who Britney Spears may have done some lesbian sex with. That is, unless someone murders Kevin Federline first – which seems like a serious possibility now that news has slipped out about all those death threats made against him.
According to reports, police have been investigating a possible contract taken out on Kevin Federline, although it seems as if they've drawn a blank at the moment – possibly because they found it hard to discover anyone who cares about Kevin Federline enough to even think about him occasionally, let alone actually hire an assassin to take him out. Back to The Associated Press:
Police investigated a possible threat against Kevin Federline earlier this year, but closed the case because of insufficient evidence, authorities said Monday. The Los Angeles Police Department probed the allegations in June, but later determined there was not enough information to keep the investigation active, LAPD spokeswoman Norma Eisenman said."There is no current investigation," Eisenman said. The FBI's Los Angeles field office received "nonspecific, uncorroborated allegations regarding a threat against Mr. Federline" and passed the information to the LAPD because it was not a federal matter, FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said.
Nonspecific, uncorroborated allegations regarding a death threat? That's a bit weak – Britney Spears has issued death threats more concrete than that. But anyway, regardless of who may have possibly had an uncorroborated idea about bumping Kevin Federline off once, it doesn't alter the importance of Tony Barretto's declaration in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody battle. After all, we have a vested interest in this; Britney Spears stands to lose custody of her children because they've seen her naked – and we've seen Britney Spears naked – so that sort of means that Britney Spears can never have custody of us, either. That'd be a relief, we don't mind telling you.
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