Dwarves are awesome no matter what type you prefer. On the one hand they’re expert at killing stuff with axes, on the other hand they’re very short and wondrous to behold.

We’re the first to admit everything we’ve learned about dwarves we learned from the sick kaleidoscope that is Hollywood cinema. What we know for sure is they have laser eyes, want to restore their dark kingdom, are extremely adapt at mining, digging underground, and getting jobs serving comparably giant platters of cake at birthday parties thrown by Britney Spears.

They probably have to get new jobs like that, since underground gems are such a dying fancy.

Britney Spears threw a birthday party for her husband and his
beautiful diamond earrings. There was surprise entertainment in store
for all in attendance, and that entertainment came in the form of
people, but smaller.

When it came time to carry out the cake, it was accompanied by two
dwarf women. There were two other dwarves in attendance – also
entertainment – dressed in the guise of Sonny and Cher. Insiders
reported comments from party goers who suggested everyone engage in the
age old drunken sleaze tradition of dwarf tossing. All the dwarves in
the room were fine with the comments, they were probably too busy
thinking of tomorrow’s new rolex to be bothered.

Other dwarves though, the ones whose watches turn their wrists green, they’re ticked. A representative of The Billy Barty Foundation
- a dwarf association of sorts – said:

"It is wicked to hurl abuse at
anyone of diminished height simply because they are small. We know
dwarves and midgets who are immense in stature because of their talent.
Mostly they are able to rise above any insults. But inevitably,
feelings are hurt by nasty comments. There’s only one word for it -
bullying."

Britney Spears can’t get anything right. We just wish she’d stop offering
employment to people who milk their height for money just to feed their
families. Just let them get a job working a counter they can’t see
over already! And for less money!

And now for our pro-dwarf segment: They’re people too. They have feelings, needs, web-sites and fetishes. As Dwarfism.org
put it:

"If people, both average and short stature, were able to place
their humanity before everything else, the world might be a much better
place."

Dwarfism.org, your beautifully typed words have stirred our very
soul. You should consider putting it in fancier italics – just
something to think about. They’re right though, humanity’s only chance
for survival is to unite as one. So if you see a dwarf, allow it a job
with dignity. They deserve it too.

People with a gangrenous club foot, on the other hand, now they’re freak shows.

Read more:

Britney’s Birthday Dwarves Slammed ‘a Sick Stunt’ – Teen Hollywood 

[story by Shawn Lindseth]