The most important thing to Britney Spears is her kids. Well, her kids and her vagina. And wheat-based snacks.
But mainly her kids. And that’s why Britney Spears is making sure that her kids go on tour with her next month. According to reports, Britney Spears threatened to quit the tour unless her children accompanied her, because she loves them. At least that’s the story.
At least this way Britney Spears can demand three packets of nappies and a bucket of mushed-up food on her tour rider each night and everyone will think it’s for the kids. Sneaky, Britney. Sneaky.
Who’s looking forward to Britney Spears’ new tour? Anyone? No? Oh, come on. Some of you must be looking forward to spending more money than is sensible to watch an autotuned speck dance around half a mile away performing the songs you loved from a decade ago in a way that’s simultaneously haggard and heartbreaking? No?
Well screw you, then, because Britney Spears is going on tour next month regardless. But it almost didn’t – according to reports yesterday, Britney Spears threw a strop and threatened to pull out of the entire tour unless she could be accompanied at every step by her children Sean Preston and Jayden James, who would not only provide supportive emotional stability for Britney, but could also act as her advisers on such critical matters as ‘what letter in the alphabet comes after Q?’ and ‘is it righty-tighty lefty-loosey, or rightly-loosey lefty-tighty?’
But those reports have already been dealt with. It just goes to show how much the Britney Spears camp has changed in recent months – previously Britney would have dealt with a rumour like this by stumbling across a car park in a pink wig babbling in a terrible British accent before indulging in some light shoplifting and treating a crowd of paparazzi to an extensive display of vaginal ventriloquy, but now she can get someone to rattle off a blog post about it within an hour our two.
Which is what happened yesterday, in fact. Britney’s blog said:
Britney is so excited to kick off her tour. She has been enjoying every moment of rehearsals and is looking forward to performing in front of a live audience again. Both Sean Preston and Jayden James will, in fact, be joining Britney throughout the duration of her tour. The Circus kicks off in New Orleans on March 3rd.
Good for Britney Spears, we say. Now that her children are definitely going on tour with her, everyone wins. Britney Spears will have a constant emotional core, the children will get to see what the punishing treadmill that destroyed their mother’s mind looks like first-hand and Kevin Federline gets some much-needed time to himself. Who knows, maybe he’ll even get to work out what shaped block goes in what shaped hole without those bloody children trying to help him all the time.
SERIOUSHOMEBASEDBUSINESS says
hahaha she can do whatever she want, as always =)
jenny goslein says
to all her haters: seriously, why are people saying so much crap to her? she didn’t do drugs or drink like lohan, or drew barrymore did when she was THIRTEEN, yet people didn’t half the shit about them! her family and life were crumbling to pieces and she couldn’t deal with it! we all have our bad moments and don’t make the smartest decisions, and so did she. now that’s over and people need to find something to do with their lives instead of focus on her mistakes.