Performing at the MTV VMAs is a big moment for any artist, but imagine how it must feel for Britney Spears, who'll make her big comeback at the VMAs on Sunday to a world that'll be urging her to have a giant sobbing breakdown onstage.

That's for definite, by the way. Not the bit about wanting Britney Spears to start crying and lashing out at her dancers onstage – although, let's face it, you do want that to happen a little bit – but the bit about Britney Spears performing at the MTV Video Music Awards at all. After weeks of growing speculation, MTV has confirmed that Britney Spears will make her live comeback during Sunday's VMAs in Las Vegas, where she'll be assisted by ridiculous goth magician Criss Angel. The details of Britney's MTV performance haven't been released yet, but it's thought that Criss Angel is honing the big finale – the old 'rabbit from a hat' trick but with Britney Spears's vagina instead of a hat. And 10,000 ping pong balls instead of a rabbit.

By now you've probably heard Britney Spears's comeback single Gimme More – a song that either introduces itself with the words "It's Britney, bitch" or "It's Britney: bitch" depending on how your ears discern inaudible punctuation. It's a deeply important song for Britney Spears because it's the first song she's released in two and a half years, meaning it'll be used as the barometer to measure Britney's remaining popularity as a pop act instead of a minge-flashing lunatic in a wig who can barely go a day without smashing up a car with an umbrella or deciding that she's the devil.

And that's why Britney Spears is taking no chances with Gimme More. She's cleverly boosted her profile in the run-up to its release by covering herself in shit and attracting investigations about child abuse – classic song-promoting at work – and now the pathetically-kept secret that Britney Spears will perform Gimme More at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards has been officially confirmed by MTV, which must be banking on the long-awaited musical comeback of one of the world's biggest celebrities making up for the recent cancellation of performances by a skinny drug-addict and a three-nippled Ewok. E! Online reports:

While MTV is keeping mum on exactly what fans can expect from the big night, this year's VMA executive producer said Spears won't disappoint. "You can expect the things we want and expect from Britney—that will all be there," Jesse Ignjatovic told MTV.com. "What I've seen of it is great. She'll be dancing, performing, doing her thing. That's exactly what we all want. Fans that are familiar with her performance on previous VMAs will not be disappointed. She'll kill it," he said. "She'll captivate everyone, and set the tone for the rest of the night. There's no one better."

We can't imagine hoe nervous Britney Spears must be – Sunday will be her first proper live comeback that doesn't involve miming at clubbers for 16 minutes, but we're sure her nerves will be calmed by the presence of Criss Angel, the recently-divorced mid-life crisis emo magician who Britney Spears recently danced with but probably isn't getting married to. Criss Angel has been brought in to add a magical element to Britney Spears's MTV VMA performance and, since his tricks have involved pulling the legs off women in the past, we can only cross our fingers and pray that the same thing happens to Britney Spears on Sunday. At least that way her vagina will be kept on the ground where nobody can see it.

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MTV Spears Britney For VMAs - E! Online