Well its always been a matter of time. Britney Spears has pictures of Paris Hilton without her fake eye, and is demanding Hilton be her full-term surrogate mother before those photos are destroyed.
Paris Hilton’s gaping socket is said to be greasy, black and chock full of dead-end veins. Britney Spears is said to have gotten the pic while Hilton chased her eye-chewing purse-dog around a sticky coffee table.
We’re just kidding of course. Hilton doesn’t have a glass eye, she’s got a crooked one – its still attached to head muscles and everything.
Even if she did have a glass eye we’re sure Spears wouldn’t be cruel enough to hold it over her. Brits would, however, be cruel enough to threaten the socialite with incriminating lesbian pics recently captured on film.
Oh, she’d do that alright.
If recent rumors are to be believed, Britney Spears is currently blackmailing Paris Hilton. And what does Spears hope is the end result of said blackmailing? Well its not the surrogate mother thing like we said – although if it ever is we sure hope to be the ones to break that news. Should that ever be the case we already have the perfect headline – Britney Spears Wants Paris Hilton To Be Her Surrogate Mother. That would look mighty good at the top of the page, wouldn’t it? But it doesn’t matter because today nobody’s pregnant with anything yet. But we’re waiting.
Our story today is juicy enough though, because it’s said to include a Spears/Hilton lesbian blackmail plot. The two were hanging out on Spears’ 26 birthday when the friendship went sour. During the party a picture was supposedly snapped of Hilton making out with a chick. According to a mysterious source:
"Britney and her pals wrote to Paris and told her they are hearing rumours of a new sex-tape scandal. The letter also claims the tape shows footage of Paris locking lips with one of Britney's female friends at a party. It warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online."
What we’d like to know is this: Is this the first time Britney Spears has blackmailed Hilton? All of the sudden maybe Hilton’s Rwanda pullout makes a touch more sense. So does her flip-flopping on her drunken elephant stance and sending her boyfriend off to marry Pamela Anderson.
It also clears up why Hilton would make all those complete seasons of the Simple Life and how she was almost forced into a plotless cartoon.
We could keep going, you know. For a very long time.
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Adam Gade says
Goddamn. Did Britney’s boobs always take up that much real estate on her body? Good thing Paris still looks like a Holocaust victim or I’d have gotten aroused.
selina says
Britney you have plenty of money to pay for the best therapists to help you sort your head out and get your kids back. there’s no excuse for her to carry on the way she is. Someone needs to tell her properly and ignore the fact she’s famous because if anyone loved that girl they’d make her sort herself out. Seems to me her Mother isn’t much good. As for Paris Hilton shes a disgrace. If she worked at Tesco nobody would look at the ugly tramp.