On Tuesday night in England, Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan were partying in designer gowns in the same room while I was in sweatpants watching “Once Upon a Time” on Netflix because life is a cruel place and God continuously likes to play practical jokes on me. Speaking of practical jokes, GQ Magazine is getting really good at them, because the party the ladies were attending was the GQ Awards where Kim fucking Kardashian was awarded Woman of the Year.
I don’t know what I’m more upset about: the fact that Lindsay Lohan was in the room and they didn’t give the award to her (they’re probably waiting for her 30th birthday to give her the Woman of the fucking MILLENIUM award), or the fact that I fully stand behind this bullshit. Either way, both GQ and I are obviously making some bad judgement calls.
The awards took place Tuesday night in London (the Emmys were on a Monday and this shit was on a Tuesday? What the fuck is going on in the world?!) and a bunch of cool people won awards.
Pharrell won Solo Artist of the Year, Ringo Starr won Humanitarian of the Year, Jonah Hill won International Man of the Year, Iggy Pop won Icon of the Year, and the insanely sexy Jamie Dornan (like I said, I’ve been watching “Once Upon a Time”) won Vertu Breakthrough of the Year. For the most part, I can get behind all these awards (Jonah Hill is cool and all, but International Man of the Year? Really? Homeboy isn’t James Bond), but then there is the Woman of the Year award.
When I think of the women who killed it in the past year, while also being hot (because, let’s be real, GQ doesn’t care about incredible women who don’t live up to a certain standard of beauty), I think of bad bitches like Angelina Jolie and Wendy Davis. But nope, not GQ. They think of reality stars who got famous for fucking Brandy’s brother on camera AFTER “The Boy is Mine” came out and was considered a classic. Brandy wasn’t even fucking relevant when that tape came out, but I digress.
I mean, what has Kim Kardashian actually done in the past year that’s so fucking great that she deserves this title? Popped out Kanye West’s kid, married Kanye West, and posted a lot of fucking pictures of herself on Instagram.
If becoming a mom (in my case, to a dog), getting married, and taking a lot of selfies qualifies you to be woman of the year, then I should’ve been on the cover of that goddamn magazine!
But, let’s be real, I’m a celebrity blogger who specifically doesn’t make plans to go out on Sunday night because that’s when “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” comes on, so deep down, even though I trash talk, I’m so fucking happy that Kim Kardashian and her giant ass won this award. Not as happy as I’d be if Lohan had won it, but happy enough.