Britain’s Got Talented Freaks

What is the fascination that TV talent shows have with letting us know that those who look like they hit every branch of the ugly tree shortly after plummeting from its peak, all have some for of inner beauty that we?re supposed to admire and warm our cold, black hearts with?

Jonathan Antoine is the latest uggo to drop his trousers and have the ungreased fist of ITV?s Lord and Saviour, Simon Cowell, operating those gorgeous vocal chords, located somewhere beneath that 3rd or 4th chin.

Following in the very deep footsteps of Susan Boyle, Michelle McManus and, yes, even Rick Waller, Jonathan and, to a lesser extent, his singing partner, Charlotte something, have burst onto our screens and will, for the 4th or 5th year running, remind us that REAL beauty, the kind of beauty you SHOULD care about, is on the inside.

Despite the fact we all know that the only kind of beauty that matters is on the outside, how else could you explain Megan Fox, or pre-breakdown Lindsay Lohan?

Naturally Jonathan is already odds on favourite to win this current series of Britain?s Got Talent and will prove to be the great white hope that may well keep BGT?s audience share afloat in a timeslot that sees it go up against the BBC?s latest talent show, the Voice, which has yet to feature a fat man who can sing well.

Cowell may have resorted to wheeling out the freak show early on in his battle against Tom Jones, Jessie J, Will.I.Am and the other one, but you can bet that he?s still got a few more aces up his sleeve, ready to ram down the publics throat with all the force that he can muster in those high waisted trousers.

We?ve still got the child with a lisp, the dog that?s terminally ill, the one that escaped poverty in their home country and of course, the one that was disfigured in an accident when they tried to save a kitten from a burning house, or something equally heartwarming that will make us all collectively say aaaaah and forget about how this lazy form of television is collectively destroying our notion of entertainment.