Britain’s Got Talent Inspires World’s Stupidest Film
Then buzz it up
June 5th, 2008 at 11:30 by Stuart Heritage
Do you like films? Do you like real-life tales of against-the-odds struggle? Does your single-digit IQ often cause you to clap along to Saturday evening TV theme-tunes?
You answered yes to all the above? Well, then this must be your lucky day - because it’s been announced that a Billy Elliot-style movie is to be made about George Sampson, the disabled teenage breakdancing winner of Britain’s Got Talent.
Having said that, there’s a possibility that Simon Cowell is just going to send a bunch of heavies to visit five million of the most stupid people in Britain and steal £7.50 from each of them instead, because that way Cowell gets his money and nobody has to waste their time going to see his rubbish film.
Britain’s Got Talent is a heartwarming return to that much-missed television genre - the variety show where the winner is chosen on how shit their life is, how awful their haircut is and how slightly disabled they appear to be. Honestly, the original title for Britain’s Got Talent was Britain’s Got A Cack-Handed Barber, Lives On A Council Estate And One Of Its Lungs Is The Size Of A Peanut, but it didn’t really pop onscreen.
Last year’s winner of Britain’s Got Talent - original title number two: Britain’s Got A Lot Of People In It Who Remind You Of Forrest Gump - was Paul Potts, the sad-eyed singing phone salesman who captured the nation’s heart by being in a car crash, having a bunch of tumours in his body and marrying some woman off the internet. He’d also previously performed with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, but that wasn’t quite so heartbreaking so nobody really mentioned it at the time.
And that’s a trend that continued this year when it was revealed that the winner of Britain’s Got Talent was George Sampson, a teenage street dancer. That’s it - George Sampson is a teenage street dancer and he’s good at it and that’s the only reason why he won Britain’s Got Talent.
Oh, and also because George Sampson comes from an economically-deprived part of the country and had to busk for dancing lessons. And he got bullied for his love of dance. And he suffers from a rare spine disorder that makes him go blind if he dances too much. And his haircut, seriously, is rubbish.
You missed all that? Well don’t fret - because there are apparently plans to turn George Sampson’s life into a heartwarming Billy Elliot-style movie. Now reports:
Hollywood producers want to make a biopic of George Sampson’s rise to fame. Filmmakers reckon the Britain’s Got Talent winner’s Billy Elliot-style story is great movie material. ‘They reckon George’s story could be a perfect follow-up to Billy,’ a source tells The Sun. ‘There are a lot of similarities.’
And people sure are keen for the George Sampson movie to be made - the film’s script is all ready to go. OK, so it’s literally just the Billy Elliot script with all the references to Billy Elliot scribbled out and ‘Weedy-Looking Disabled Kid’ written over the top in biro, but that’s a start.
By the way, if any of this sounds familiar to you, that’s because it’s only been a couple of months since someone decided to announce a Paul Potts movie as well. Seems a bit of coincidence, doesn’t it? Almost as if no movies are actually going to be made about either of them at all and that it’s all just a bunch of exaggerated rumours.
Oh well, never mind. Less than a year to go and we can go through the whole thing again on the next series of Britain’s Got Talent - original title number three: Britain is Most Easily Manipulated When Poor People Say Sad Things While Trouble By Coldplay Plays In The Background.
The winner of that, by the way is already provisionally slated to be a cross-eyed toddler with dead parents that used to abuse her because she hasn’t got any bones in her neck. She sings or acts or juggles or something - producers haven’t worked that bit out yet.
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June 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I’d pay to see that movie, and I’m sure George’s HUGE fanbase would too!
June 5th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
four million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine left to find
June 5th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
What a self centred article, all it does is make fun of everything, ….You Suck! ha, seriously
June 5th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
and yeah, i would pay to see the film too
June 5th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I THINK SOMEONES JEALOUS!
blimey! is this bloke big headed or what?
selfish little man with no life!?
i think so!
THE FACT IS
GEORGE HAS WAYYYY MORE TALENT THAN HIM.
END OF STORY.
and does he know george has a fan club with over
70,000 members.
OH DEAR I GUESS NOT.
SO
MY CONCLUSION IS
GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC.
george sampson is absoloutly
brilliant.
he deserves everything he has won.
M’D.x
June 5th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
It must be really gutting to be jealous of a 14year old!!
George was the one who was on the news saying his back problem is not as bad as the papers have made out. He didnt go into his audition and say ” im George,im a breakdancer…by the way ive got a curve in my spine that once left me temporarily blind!!”
He is an amazing dancer, a lovely person and all hewants to do is help his family & fulfil his dream of being a dancer in the process….what is so bad about that?
Leave the kid alone…hes an inspiration to all and Britain would be a better place if there were more people out there with his good nature,drive and determination!
June 5th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
98, 97, 96…
June 5th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Oh come on, he only won because of the tedious puppy-eyed sympathy card he played; ‘ooh look at me, I’m from a poor area and am being raised by a single mum struggling to pay the mortgage’. Pap.
June 5th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
JEALOUSY!!!
George is an amazing dancer and he deserved to win. He didn’t win because of sympathy votes, he won because he has and amazing talent, proving Britain has got talent.
I will watch the movie and so will millions of the British public and all his fans.
Go George xx
June 6th, 2008 at 3:42 am
Jesus Christ where do these fucking people come from
June 6th, 2008 at 4:26 am
I am willing to agree that George didn’t win solely on talent. I think that, as has been said several times, five of the acts were all pretty equal in talent. There are lots of choir boys in England, lots of string quartets, etc. I think that faced with very talented finalists, the public let other things influence them.
However, I disagree that it was sympathy that influenced them. I believe it was admiration. If sympathy were the driver, Andrew Johnston would have won. George hadn’t revealed his spinal problems, so he and Andrew had the same story.
The difference between the two was that George showed not only talent but determination and a great deal of good old fashioned work ethic. George didn’t inspire sympathy so much as inspire.
His dancing is uplifting. There are lots of technically better dancers but George has the energy and grace that captivates an audience. Many dancers are technically proficient and a complete bore to watch.
George Sampson deserved to win. So did Signature and Faryl and Andrew but George made you want him to win. You wanted to reward his hard work and determination because you wanted to believe that we live in a world where such things are valued and rewarded.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
George Sampson is an amazing dancer and i’d love to meet him.
id also like to know where the person who wrote this stupid review, but i already have a good idea of what you look like.
im guessing around 60-70 years old, grey hair, smoker, thinks he’s better than everyone else. single/divorced?
And i Agree with Megan and Mel, that your obviously jealous of a 14 year old.
if this film is made, it will obviously be a sucess!
June 6th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
ha, if its the britains stupidest idea why did you spend so much time on describing it?and do you even know whats it like when other kids are taunting you over something you want to do when you live in an estate and youre family is struggling for money.. most probably you wont because you wrote all that. well its awful. and for you to write all that isnt a very good influence on people my age- im 13, and i have pulled through rough times; you need to take a good hard look at yourself and think hard about your sad pathetic life!
June 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Way to go Charlotte, you agree with morons. Thanks for telling everyone.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
There are lots of reasons why he did and didn’t deserve to win but in my opinion he did (not that it really matters much, because all the good acts from the final will probably get job offers and stuff for their tallents anyway). The last thing i have to say is, I think this reporter did go a bit over the top in getting across the fact that he is obviously not very happy about this subject.
June 7th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’d pay to see that film and I’m sure tons of other people would too.
Just because you wouldn’t want to doesn’t mean that everyone else will think that too.
June 10th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Wait a minute - disabled? No, he has a disorder affecting his spine, but he is not disabled. You need to straighten out your facts here.
As for a rubbish haircut - I’m very much wondering where you choose your definition of a good hair cut - I hate to tell you, but it doesn’t seem to co-incide with everyone else’s opinion.
It’s always funny to see an (apparently) grown adult jealous of a 14 year old kid who’s making something of their life. Pick on somebody your own size, and leave the ‘weedy’ kid alone (some weight jealousy going on there perhaps? - I’ll say no more)
June 18th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
hmmmmm someone’s abit jelous i think!
and god get a life the poor kids only like 14!
June 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
hey leave him alone he is not horrible he is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckin fit
July 26th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Megan,, Nd All dah uva ppl stickin up 4 george…
<3 xox
You Rock!
Your Right!
This Silly Old Bubble Brain Man Is Jealous Of George! HaHa He Deserved 2 Win! Nd He Aint Disabled either! Yah Nasty Old Man. George William Sampson Isz Fuckin Gorgeous And Sexy And Fit And Talented And Sweet And Two Many Great Words 2 Describe that YOU Will NEVER Be!! So Take Yah Jelous Ass And Put It Sumwhere Where It’s Wanted
JERK!
Luv Yuu Soooo Much George William Sampson
July 26th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Soz Peeps, Hope Yuu Aint Bored Of Me But Im A Big Fan Of George And i Wanna Stick Up 4 Him As Much As A Possibly Can !!! Ok Have You Noticed That All These HAters Are Mostly Boys,, The’re Soooooo Jealous! Ali, Your A Jealous Person! He didnt Win Cuz Of His Gorgeous, Stunning Looks, He Won Cuz He Deserved It! He Has Got Talent, Just Accept It!! And Most Boys Are Just Jealous, Cuz Look At All The Fake Numbers And Msn Addresses They Are Making Supposively ‘For’ Him. So It’s Just Jealousy! Ha! Please Tell Me Though, With These 3 Messages I Have Sent, Do You Agree Or Not?? x
Luv Yuu George william Sampson
xxx
July 27th, 2008 at 1:00 am
With all the incisive wit and charm that adorn these posts,
how could good Stuitage NOT be jealous of the amazing
teenage boy wonder George? I have it on good authority
that our Stuart cries himself to sleep every night over
the fact that he doesn’t have an army of illiterate 9 year olds
fantasizing about riding a white pony with him. He awakes
every morning to a soggy pillow and the dismal prospect of
NEVER BEING GEORGE.
Oh hapless Fate,
how cruel your greying pate;
Polonius was erroneous,
for ALL the living: time be thine.