There’s been mutterings over the pond that Dancing With The Stars has been a bit skewed this year. Why? Well, Bristol ‘My Mom Is Sarah Palin And I Have A Hilarious Ex Boyfriend’ Palin found herself in the final three, despite having the dancing prowess of a kitchen work surface.
It seems that the Tea Baggers (really, someone should tell those narrow-minded chumps the alternative meaning for that) have been voting in droves to perhaps soften the image of the gobbledegook nattering, gun wielding simpleton, Sarah Palin, who is probably going to be the next US president.
However, there is room for hope. That’s because, despite the efforts of the slackjawed xenophobes, Bristol Palin didn’t win Dancing With The Stars. Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough did. You probably don’t recognise her from Dirty Dancing because she looks like a completely different human.
In fact, Bristol Palin didn’t even come second in the show. Someone we’ve never heard of got that gong. In fact, things must have been bad for the show as Jennifer Grey managed to out-dance everyone else whilst having a slipped disc in her back or something. Maybe the cha-cha-cha includes a move where you grip your back constantly and grimace with pain?
Still, it’s totally worth winning a dancing contest, even if it does mean you’ll never walk properly again.
In the show, third-place loser Bristol announced that winning the programme would be like “a big middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.”
So that’s one thing cleared up. Everyone seemingly DOES hate the Palins. Maybe the whole ‘getting her to the final and then snatching the trophy away from her just as she started to get her hopes up’ was a massive ruse on the part of the American public. If so, hecklerspray commends you and will get the next flight available to give every single one of you a hearty pat on the back.
As Sarah Palin goes off on a book tour, where simpletons can be found chanting “Go Sarah! Go Sarah!” like they’re on the Jerry Springer Show (lets face it, both crowds are from a very similar place) and continues with her cod-reality show which essentially sees her being an action figure come to life (replace that with ‘fuck-doll’ if you prefer) for right wing America (the kind of people who like to ban Sharia Law in States that has absolutely no intention of getting Sharia Law in the first place. A bit like someone allergic to diary proudly announcing that they’re giving up sucking the milk from cow’s teats), Bristol could well be called upon to dance around like a performing monkey, just in case her mother makes up another stupid word or gets asked any tricky questions about, y’know, politics.
Maybe we’re watching America develop sarcasm in front of our very eyes, dangling the presidency before Palin before voting for someone else?