Sometimes a website needs a good rage. hecklerspray's favourite rage-releasing technique is to scream into our pillow and pick the stitching out of our $25 quilt.
Then you have the bigger websites like Amazon.com, whose rage can afford things like throwing three (3!) unopened jars of caviar off a cliff just to spite the Drudge Report – its girlfriend at the time who Amazon had just found out was also sleeping with Overstock.com. You're a ho-bag Drudge Report, a real ho-bag.
Not all famous outbursts are related to electronic slut-bags though. For instance when Britney Spears let loose with an umbrella on a car last February, it was more out of acting preparation than website sleeping arrangements. Yes, Britney could care less that Google and Yahoo fight in public, but behind closed doors rub all up on each other's ones and zeros, and she may be totally unawares of the sensual heights back-rubs can reach in Facebook's new member section.
What she does know though, is that her paparazzi parasol-pummel was intentional and in character. See that? She was sane all along.
2007 has been a busy year for ol' Brit Spears. So far it's seen her get all divorced, get all bald, get all satanic, get all vaginally photogenic and get all apologetic, apparently, for whacking the paint clean off a photographer's automobile with an umbrella. On her own website she made this statement regarding that last incident:
"I want to apologise for the past incident with the umbrella. I was preparing a character for a possible movie role where the husband doesn't play his part so they swap places. Unfortunately, I didn't get the part. I'm sorry I got all carried away with my role!"
We totally understand Britney, and we want to help. We henceforth command the offended papo to forgive you, and his his car too. We also order his insurance company to let bygones be bygones, and we urge the elephant who was shot dead as he bathed in a pond next to his son so that his tusk could be ripped off and carved into the umbrella handle you used in the extraordinary beat-down to look down upon you from heaven and smile a grand smile.
Now put on some underpants and we'll forgive you too. Two pair then!
Quickly now!
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