In these times of immense global hardships, it’s reassuring that governments are doing what they need to do.

Like creaming themselves over Brad Pitt. Wait, no, hang on, what? Even though it’s probably right at the very bottom of their priority list – just after ’stop the world slumping into an irreversible environmental and financial catastrophe’ and ‘buy more milk for the fridge’ – the entire US government froze up yesterday so that Brad Pitt could chat to senior politicians, including the actual president, about charity.

Next week: Jennifer Aniston shouts at the Lithuanian interior minister through a megaphone about her fingernails.

Oh you silly celebrities. Don’t you understand? It’s over. The election is over. You don’t have to manoeuvre yourself into having hardline political stances about things you don’t really understand any more. Everything’s reverted back to normal – people care more about how fat Britney Spears’ arms are instead of politics again. Balance has been restored.

So that means no more spinning around in your garden, no more nauseatingly sincere promise videos, no more pretending that you care about anything other than how many photos of yourself you can get in magazines at any one time. It’s business as usual again. So someone should probably point that out to Brad Pitt if they get the chance.

Because Brad Pitt spent yesterday in Washington, having a number of meetings with the likes of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and the actual bloody president of America about his Make It Right charity. Or at least that was the plan – by the sound of it Brad Pitt may have spent most of the day skipping over puddles of overexcited menopausal urine instead. AP reports:

Pitt’s superpowers are such that he and President Barack Obama pulled off an improbably secret meeting, White House spokesman Thomas F. Vietor confirmed. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was not immune to his charms. Praising Pitt for his work to rebuild New Orleans’ hurricane-ravaged 9th Ward, she even allowed that meeting him affords her “bragging rights to my children and my grandchildren — a real treat for me as well.”

Now to be fair, Brad Pitt probably does have the qualifications to discuss charity with the American government, having played an impressively active part in the rebuilding of New Orleans, but now the floodgates have opened, and an unfortunate precedent has been set.

Don’t these politicians know about the egos on these moviestars. If Brad Pitt can meet the president for half an hour, then Tom Cruise will have to meet him for 45 minutes and Leonardo DiCaprio will have to meet him for an hour. The next thing you know, President Obama’s having to spend three whole months stuck in the Rochester branch of Starburger discussing cloud formations with Joe Pasquale.

Is that what you want, America? Is it really?

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