Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Kids All Hate Each Other
Then buzz it up
April 4th, 2008 at 16:00 by Stuart Heritage
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have easily got the most beautiful family on Earth, and that's the way it'll stay until Zahara has clawed out Shiloh's eyeballs and stomped on them.
Yes, that's right - all of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids hate each other to pieces. Literally to pieces - it's like living with a gaggle of midget Naomi Campbells.
According to reports, Angelina Jolie's adopted brood have started a flurry of three-on-one attacks on her biological daughter Shiloh Nouvel. But Angelina likes nothing more than a fair fight, which is why - rather than the twins everyone expects - Angelina Jolie is actually gestating two fully-armed mecha-warriors from the future up her vagina to help level the playing field. To level it with plasma cannons.
Sibling rivalry can be a terrible thing. It can forge long-lasting resentments between family members, and even tear some families wide apart. Look at the Baldwins, for goodness sake. How must Alec feel knowing that Daniel, William and Stephen are all constantly laying unsuccessful Wile E. Coyote-style boobytraps for him as revenge for him starring in Married To The Mob ahead of them? We don't know how he manages to go on.
And this sibling rivalry fad has even spread to the most perfect family on the face of the earth - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's family. On paper Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's family couldn't be more perfect - Daddy's a beautiful actor, Mummy's a beautiful actress, and their four children from Cambodia, Ethiopia, Vietnam and Brad Pitt's testicles spend every day laughing and singing and teaching one another about their respective indigenous cultures like a beautiful rainbow of hope.
But on paper bees can't fly and Michelle Marsh is attractive. We all know that real life doesn't work like that, so it should be no surprise that a new report in Star magazine claims that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's children dislike each other so much that they can't stop fighting:
Maddox 6, is constantly pushing Pax, 4, around in an attempt to show him who's boss, says a source. "But Pax is no wimp, and he fights back." But it's little Zahara, 3, who really rules the roost! "She screams and shouts at the boys when she doesn't get her way," says the source. Not even Shiloh, 22 months, is safe — and the toddler has the battle scars to prove it. "Z is always pushing or scratching her… Z once clawed Shiloh's cheek after she tried to take her cookie. She's always pulling on Shiloh's hair so she can steal her food." And little Shiloh has more than her hair to worry about! Recently while Shiloh's three older siblings roughhoused, she got knocked down and chipped a tooth!
What's to blame for this sudden spate of Jolie-Pitt inter-child violence? Why, it's the parents, obviously. Apparently the children get cranky because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie don't give the kids a set bedtime and feed them chips, pizza and fizzy drinks. Clearly a strict 6pm bedtime and a diet of nothing but fair trade organically-sourced broccoli buds will stop the children attacking Shiloh because they're clearly adopted and she isn't.
The situation will only get worse with a set of newborn twins on the way as well, so what's Angelina Jolie to do? Set up a kind of adopted child United Nations headed by stern-looking adopted South Korean boy who'll be able to chair a series of thoughtful and well-mannered debates?
Yes. Yes, that's exactly what Angelina Jolie should do, because it's either that or stop adopting and giving birth to more kids than she could ever hope to keep under control, but you don't get multi-million dollar exclusive magazine covershoot deals for not having kids, do you.
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April 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
LOL it does not surprise me that you people are believing every crap that comes from Star Magazine, the same Star magazine that have Brad and Angie married last weekend. And yep the adopted kids are beating up the biological kids, even Star magazine did not say that, so way to go for printing false information just like Star and the rest of the tabs out there. Give yourself a slap on the back
April 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
“LOL” indeed, Alex. “LOL” indeed.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
What fu&^% self-respecting person reads and believes Star magazine????
April 4th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
It’s sick that people make up these lies. Creating rivalries about happy little 2 year-olds. You can’t believe Star. They’re the same people who said brad and angie got married a few days ago. Their whole magazine is a lie.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I think this one might be true - not because “The Star” printed it, but because of basic science principles and the simple dynamics of cause and effect.
Four kids under 6 years of age are always going to fight at times, but when you have kids who are fed soda’s, and McDonald’d food, potato chips, etc. (I have seen the photos) and are constantly traveling with the parents or with some appointed custodian, nanny, security guard, etc. and have no structure to their daily routine, (their oldest child attending so many different schools to finish kindergarten is just one example) the results of undisciplined, unruly children are ultimately to be expected. Unfortunately, the parents really are to blame and are usually the last to realize it. Though probably well intentioned, I am sure they don’t realize one soda has a little over 1/2 cup pure sugar, (it’s true - I am a nurse). They probably also don’t realize that parents fighting begets their children to copy these behavior patterns, and buying video games that depict war, fighting, etc. also doesn’t help to inspire their interest in more intellectual pursuits that require focus and attention skills vs. video games that literally turn your brain off. Unfortunately, it’s not what the magazine is “writing”, it is sadly, how the parents are actually “behaving” with their children in the myriad of photos we are inundated with at the check-out stand. One thought is to take the money earned from pimping out the kids and put it into a psychotherapy fund for when they get older? That would be the best example so far in terms of their charitable giving activies - it would be the best example of the least self serving anyway.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:24 am
I think its true , all kids fight and no one is THAT perfect , but there are definitely some lies in there. So I cant be believe little children could hate each other that much . Do you?
April 6th, 2008 at 10:12 am
I’m sad to hear that they eat from their toilets (assuming they’ve all got their own suites in a hunormous honking mansion.) Why would you adopt a legio of kids and then not raise them? Safe to say these kids’ parents are the f*cking Pitts!
Now gather round - I’ve got 2 bills on Zahara with odds of 8 to 1. Takers?
April 7th, 2008 at 3:41 am
[...] Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Kids All Hate Each Other [...]
April 7th, 2008 at 8:01 am
uh, alex, i’m not sure you quite understand the whole hecklerspray “concept”…it’s not really news, see, it’s a funny blog. just that: a funny blog. now, go take your xanax.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
[...] Source [...]
April 9th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I have 3 kids of my own, one live-in nanny and one part-time nanny. However, I still feel that I don’t spend enough time with the kids. Nanny can only do so much. Me and my hubby are the ones teaching them right from wrong, coaching them with homework, correcting their behavior and playing with them. Both of us do not travel (luckily). We still feel that we don’t spend enough time with each of them. I don’t know how these two handle/educate the kids while traveling and moving the kids everywhere… Also these kids have very different background and probably went through some trauma. It is even more difficult to bring them together.
We only have to hope for the best and wish them (parents and kids) good luck!
April 14th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Cchildren alway fight. It’s not mean they hate each other.
May 17th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Sibling rivalry is as old as the Bible so there is nothing news worthy about it if it’s happening in the world’s most beautiful family. It’s not about the kids being fed soda or mac donalds (cain and abel were never fed on that) The kids will get over it some day. I wish them luck.