Think carefully before you answer that. Because, should you suggest that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t in love, they’ll sue you. They’ll sue you just like they’re suing the News Of The World, which last month reported that Brad and Angelina were on the brink of a split. This means that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are together and happy and that they’ve never been so in love.
That said, we do have our suspicions. Does Angelina Jolie really love Brad Pitt? After all, he has got a beard that makes him look like he rubbed glue onto his face and then performed cunnilingus on a succession of hairy Mongolian pensioners. We’d find it difficult to love someone with a beard like that. That’s all we’re saying.
A lot of people are bound to be disappointed that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t splitting up. For example, it means that Madonna will no longer be able to sneak in and buy up all of their children for a knock-down rate. And Jennifer Aniston won’t get to bob up and down in Brad Pitt’s eyeline, constantly winking and pouting at him like a faulty Jim Henson puppet in an attempt to win him back. And Brad Pitt himself won’t shave off his beard to increase the chances of him landing a new girlfriend, which will be a disappointment to everyone who owns a working set of eyes.
But there’s nothing we can do about that, because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie definitely aren’t splitting up. And, what’s more, they’ll sue anyone who says they are. A couple of week ago, the News Of The World claimed that Brad and Angelina were splitting up, and had consulted a divorce lawyer even though they’re not actually married.
Because of this, the rumour mill then went into overdrive – claiming that Angelina was depressed and that Brad had cheated and that Brad had bought a batcave for himself and that Angelina was going to rebound by purchasing a new baby from Uzbekistan and naming it Xanax Bibble. We may have made one of those up. But, anyway, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were so outraged by the report that they’ve decided to sure the News Of The World. The LA Times reports:
“The News of the World has failed to meet our clients’ reasonable demands for a retraction of and apology for these false and intrusive allegations which have now been widely republished by mainstream news outlets,” a lawyer working for the couple in London said in a statement. “We have advised them to bring proceedings, which they have now done.”
And, just to prove that the report was nothing but lies, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie turned up to the Super Bowl together on Sunday and conspicuously smooched all the way through it. Some are claiming that this was just a PR stunt on their part to divert everyone’s attention from the gaping cracks in their relationship, but we’re not so sure. They seemed fairly convincing and, having seen several films starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in our time, we know that ‘convincing’ isn’t something either of them achieve very often.