Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Sell Their Baby

Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie Sell BabyEveryone's got a price, and everyone puts a price on their babies.

hecklerspray's asking price for it's children is infinity – because we love them all so much nobody could ever pay enough. That horrid rumour we once sold one for a half eaten Klondike Bar is completely unfounded and has almost no basis in reality. If you are, however, interested in seeing our catalogue – like family photo album, just let us know. Pay particular attention to the different types of ice cream treats listed under each child's face. For no reason.

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, they don't sell kids either, per se. They do, however, sell pictures of their kids. And for absolute millions, no less.

If you're like us you've already drawn thousands of pictures of what you think the Pitt-Jolie baby will look like. If you're really like us, then you are super-shocked when their hand drawn prodigy turned out looking exactly like Megatron, evil mastermind behind the Decepticons. It's really not surprising though, as his two powers were turning into a gun and home-wrecking. Seriously, ask Tom Arnold why Roseanne gave birth to a toaster just before they split.

Soon though, we won't have to speculate what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's child will look like, as the happy couple just inked a deal with a US magazine for the first pictures of the baby. The mag forked out almost $5 million for the honour of first publishing. It's actually a smart move on the part of the Pitts, as there was sure to be paparazzi climbing all over their compound trying to get a shot of the child. Remember the price tag on that thing? If you got the first pic, you'd be an instant millionaire.

Now before anyone goes accusing the Pitts of selling their kids dignity within it's first week of life, you should know they intend to give the money – all the money – to UNICEF. It's an organisation that helps kids globally. An undisclosed source close to the couple gave this quote:

"Angelina's very private but they figured they might as well use the opportunity of one child being born to help a lot of others."

The paparazzi's plan is fatally flawed. They're all waiting for the baby to be born to steal Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's child's image – that's way too much competition. We, on the other hand, think outside that box. The promise of millions has spurred on the scientists here at hecklerspray laboratories to devise a way to get that baby pic way before Ang spits it out her V. We can't tell you how, because it's absolutely disgusting, but we can give you some hints. It involves a cockroach with an oxygen tank, a miniscule camera attached to a tiny miner's helmet, really small grappling hooks, and UPS same day delivery. But then we've said too much.

Read more:

Brangelina Baby Pic Deal – Sky

[story by Shawn Lindseth] 

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Comments

  1. Marilyn says

    Angelina is a big bitch. Jen is much more beautiful that Angelina. Brad is crazy and blind. God will find a way to make them pay for what they did to Jen. That is for sure! Brad and Angelina are white trash people with money.

  2. Sydney says

    Whoa, since when does God have the time to smite mediocre actors and actresses for making the lives of other mediocre actors and actresses slightly less pleasant?

    Surely he’s got a few other things queued up at the moment.

  3. stephanie says

    Angelina is pretty so is Jennifer but Angelina is trashy. I don’t know why Brad fell for her but i guess we will never really know but them 3. But that was rude of Brad for what he did. Angelina has Jennifer left overs

  4. leslie says

    Angelina is beautiful and talented..Brad is lucky to have her. Who is Jen compared to Angelina?
    By the way, they are happy together…they are human , and they have a right to make there own decision and we have to respect that….

    She is the most beautiful woman in the word….of what she did for the children…

  5. alicia says

    yall is straight up trippin!!! you need to get off that heep of bull shit. and how do you know angelina is trashy. the only way you could know that is if you personally talked to her. and what happened between brad and jen is there business so get out of it. and it aint angelina’s fault she looks better or that brad cant resist her. get off the lady’s back

  6. says

    leave em alone, they don’t give a flying f–k about us so let them live their lives.
    And so what if she looks like a goddess It’s too bad that everyone doesn’t look like her.

  7. Leah says

    I think Angelina Is the right person for brad they are just the GOLDEN couple..and im soo glad tht they found each other !! Jen had brad and they had problems together but that doesnt mean that angelina stole brad away from jen !! i mean PLEAAASE !! u people grow up !!

    P.S : shiloh is THE cutest baby everrr !! so lucky to have parents like angelina and brad.. :D