Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Getting Married! Once They’ve Stopped Fighting!
Then buzz it up
March 5th, 2008 at 19:00 by Stuart Heritage
Reports of a wedding between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are always on and off - but now the wedding is definitely on. Unless it's off.
Apparently Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been planning a wedding for some time now, which would be great, except for the giant screaming tantrums they keep having at each other because they can't agree on where to have it.
According to Star magazine, Brad Pitt wants the wedding to take place in New Orleans, while Angelina Jolie would prefer to have it in France. There's an obvious compromise to all this, of course - Brad and Angelina should meet in the middle, right in the centre of the Atlantic ocean, 1,500 miles out to sea. We'll even provide the concrete shoes if they ask us nicely.
You're never really sure where you are with a Brad Pitt/ Angelina Jolie wedding rumour. For all the reasons that they wouldn't get married - like their collective haul of failed previous marriages, the fact that gay people can't get married in some places yet, the fact that weddings are expensive and Angelina would probably just prefer to buy 20 or 30 children instead - there are always reports suggesting that a wedding is on the horizon.
Over the last few years there have been reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a Buddhist wedding, that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went to Italy to get married and that wax figurines of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were going to get married as a sort of petroleum-based love substitute. But all of these were called off, or weren't even real enough to call off anyway.
But this time we mean it. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie really are planning a wedding. Star magazine says so. But if this planned wedding never happens, it isn't because it never existed. It's because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can't decide on where to hold the wedding or if Jennifer Aniston should be invited. Star reports:
Brad wants a big wedding in New Orleans, the town he has adopted in a bid to help get it back on its feet after Hurricane Katrina, while Angie says she would like a small, intimate ceremony in France… "They ended up going to separate bedrooms and slamming doors. Angelina was so frustrated, she was crying," one friend of the couple says. Angie's main problem with [wedding organiser and Brad's mother] Jane Pitt is that she's still close to Brad's ex, Jennifer Aniston, and even suggested she should be on the guest list. "Brad tried to reassure Angie that she wouldn't show up," says the source. "Still Angie's furious. Anytime Jen's name is mentioned, she gets jealous."
You have to admire Jennifer Aniston a little bit here, don't you. She hasn't got a thing to do with either Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie any more and she's still able to destroy their happiness. To be able to wreak that much emotional trauma on people who go out of their way to avoid you takes years of dedication, plus a big spit-covered promotional poster for Mr & Mrs Smith with 'I hate stupid bitch Angelina Jolie' scrawled across it in childlike handwriting.
Anyway, it looks as if it's all off. Time to pack away the 'Brad Pitt/ Angelina Jolie wedding' stories and break out the 'Brad Pitt/ Angelina Jolie split' stories. Or whatever the nearest thing anyone's got to a 'Brad Pitt/ Angelina Jolie won't go away and it's pissing us off' story. Anyone?
Read more:
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March 5th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Today was the first time I opened your site. After reading your very disrespectful piece re: Angie and Brad you can be sure it will be my last. Eeeewwww!
March 5th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
“We’ll even provide the concrete shoes if they ask us nicely.”
LOL
I’m proud of you, Stuart - that’s sinking to a new low.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
“very disrespectful piece …” How is something nothng but fact disrespectful?
“Eeeewwww!” Great closing, you told them!!
Don’t take Debra’s post seriously, Stuart. It wasn’t typed with the Caps Lock key on.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Why would Angelina Jolie be jealous of Jennifer Aniston? For what? That doesn’t even pass the laugh test.
I think if these two wanted to get married they would get married. They wouldn’t spend time arguing about it or overplanning it.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:52 am
“I think if these two wanted to get married they would get married. They wouldn’t spend time arguing about it or overplanning it.” - Wheredoyougetthisstuff, I have to thankyou for the expert knowledge, after reading the article I have to admit that I was indeed worried for the two of them but now I can see this spiteful critique for what it really is!
p.s you tell them Debra…that’ll learn em!
March 6th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Some people just can’t face the fact that the truth hurts, LaLa Loonie Brangelina fans they are trash that deserve each other!
March 6th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I believe that marriage in this instance
involves quite an intricate physiological process.
First, each must remove his/her head from his/her ass.
They must each do this independently at approximately the same time.
Then, after several minutes of preening, each must reinsert
his/her head in the other’s ass, so that they can roll around as
a giant wheel, scooping up orphans and plopping them
into trailer parks all across New Orleans. Really. It’s not as easy
as it sounds.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
You have to admire Jennifer Aniston a little bit here, don’t you. She hasn’t got a thing to do with either Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston any more and she’s still able to destroy their happiness.
Should be Angelina Jolie in that second sentence.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Why should Anglina worry about Aniston, when she drafts for op/ed in Washington Post, taking care of kids and pregnant, and all the while cuddled and kissed by Brad Pitt? “Jealous of Aniston”? Not even a nice try, but we understand how desperate JenHens need to believe that LOL! Go on, if that works for you. Still it doesn’t change Brad is so happy with his big family, away from his former FRAUDULENT wife.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Great story. Angelina will never have the class of Jen–she has to get pregnant to keep Brad.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
You jennifer fans are so gullible. In hollywood it’s very well known aniston is a coke head and totally insecure about everything. A nearly 40 year old who needs her friends to speak for her. As for class ? yeah it’s real classy portraying yourself as a victim in everything in her life. If her movies fail she blames everyone else and tries to diassociate herself, if her marriage fails it’s someone else like she had no part in it’s demise. Her relationship with v vaughn was fake and for pr purposes only. Believe me aniston isn’t the sweet all american girl who you all seem to think she is. She just has a very powerful publicist who makes his well deserved money . I ain’t no jolie fan either but aniston sure as hell ain’t pure as snow. Pitt sure has bad taste in women. He needs to get away from these hollywood broads and find himself a nice normal chic.
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:55 am
To be honest, I am from Europe and a big fan of Angelina Jolie. Maybe my opinion does not count too much, but Aniston is only an “ordinary” woman, with an IQ less than extraordinary, and all she did as an “actress” was to appear in Friends, HELPPED BY OTHER ACTORS…She has no talent, no imagination, she is NOT A BEAUTY ( too fat, too small, too artificial, in other words a bit of TOO MUCH of many bad things…), and least of all NOT HOT…
I was always asking myself HOW WAS SHE TRICKING PITT INTO MARRIAGE, what did she do to make Pitt BRING HER INTO SOCIETY, and put her on the same line with Gwynith Paltrow, for instance, not to mention now the WONDERFUL Angelina Jolie??!?
No offense , but Aniston is just a woman , not married, who happened to be in the right place at the right time when Friends needed a “star” and MR.FATHER OF ANISTON was present with his “Days of our lives”( what a nonsense!), and so she became “a star”, but not because of her great talent, but grace TO THE OTHER CO-STARS, who make her be funny…And all her films after that, where she is ( luckily!!!) co-staring great names and talents MALES ( well, men will always be men, even the greatest actors!) have been successful ONLY BECAUSE SHE WAS SHADOWED BY THEM, BY THEIR NAMES…Aniston compared to Angelina is like a kitty-cat compared with a tigresse:)
On the other side, Angelina Jolie is the most wonderful mind and talented actress, who happens to be hosted by a smoky body…she is intelligent, funny , sexy, goodhearted, experienced in life, and that makes her THE PERFECT WIFE FOR PITT…
So, IF ANGIE AND PITT AVOIDED A SCANDAL BEFORE THE OSCAR GALA, YOU USA SHOULD BE PROUD, because Aniston would have behaved like she always does: histerical, neurotical, jealous…
Shall I say more?
I really hope that Angie-Pitt will become a really strong united family to last forever and sat a good example for all the actors, and make you , AMERICANS , proud of what your country offers the whole wide world.
With all my heart, Milena from Finland.( and I do hope that Angelina Jolie will not waste her talent, but I will see her playing Andromaca, Fedra, Cleopatra, all the characters of Antiquity who are really “made” on her model…).