First, here's the good news; Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to get married. And now for the bad news; Brad Pitt will only marry Angelina Jolie when gay people are allowed to get married too.
However, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie might be in for a pleasant surprise as – upon hearing Brad Pitt's statement – every single important member of the American government immediately met up to rush through legislation to allow gay marriage in the vain hope that they'd score an invite to the Pitt/Jolie wedding, even though Brad Pitt probably only gave that particular reason for not marrying Angelina Jolie because it's slightly less embarrassing than admitting that the last thing Angelina wants is to get married to him.
It seems like ages since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were the centre of the world's attention with their Namibian adventure and the birth of Shiloh Nouvel and her subsequent wax carving, but Brad Pitt has a new movie coming out soon – the supremely depressing-looking Babel – and so he's back doing what he does best; yammering on about getting married to Angelina Jolie as if he, she or anyone else on the planet genuinely believed that it'd actually ever happen.
Of course, we've been here before. Even though they are the most beautiful family on Earth, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't married. This could be because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie feel that marriage is an outmoded form of partnership, but it's equally likely that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie enjoy taking the piss out of everyone a lot. Pitt-Jolie wedding rumours are always ten a penny, whether they aren't showing up in Italy or they aren't having secret Buddhist ceremonies. The official line on a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie wedding keeps changing, too – sometimes they might get married and sometimes they definitely won't – but now Brad Pitt has stepped forward to clear things up once and for all. In short, he'll only get married to Angelina Jolie when gay people can get married in America too, as he tells Esquire magazine:
"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."
Maybe Brad Pitt made a bit of a mistake by not explicitly mentioning gay marriage by name, as we actually kind of want to get married to our Myleene Klass Hear'Say action figure and we'll be damned if the government will take our tender and relentlessly erotic love seriously. However, Brad Pitt also told Esquire about his kids, namely that he's one of those Dads who lets his kids run around screaming and annoying everyone else within a three-mile radius:
"I try not to stifle them in any way. If it's not hurting anyone, I want them to be able to explore. Sometimes that means they're quite rambunctious… I feel it's really important to have that time to sit and talk to them. I really like that last minute before they fade off. And always give them a heads-up before you jerk them out of something. You need to tell them, like, 'You have three more minutes.'"
Read more:
Brad: Angelina And I Will Marry When Everyone Can – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]
jackie says
RE: Brad & Ang not marrying until Gay’s can.
Have an original thought already you two! Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend said this over a year ago. In fact Charlize has been honoured for increasing “visibility and understanding” in the gay community and was presented with the Vanguard Award at the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation’s (GLAAD) annual media awards in Los Angeles.
DJB says
Get off the cross, we need the wood…
MAL says
2 wrongs don’t make a right!
Kyre says
‘The Gays’? Is that anything like ‘The Blacks’, ‘The Jews’ and ‘The Poors’??
Gerry says
The Blacks – no. The Jews – no. The Poors – probably. The Stupids – yes.
John Wadsworth says
Guess again. Brad Pitt did not say he would be married when gays can marry. He said, “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.” He may as well have said, “We’re getting married when hell freezes over.” Undoubtably, some P.E.T.A. members want to make mammas of their llamas or say, “There will never be another ewe.” N.A.M.B.L.A. members want their Beaver Cleavers. And, of course, many polygamists baking their brains out in the desert wastelands of Arizona and Utah want armies of wives – legally. So, Brad has some time to wait if we hold him to his words. Better yet, why don’t people as retarded as Brad just stay home, shut up, and keep to themselves – rather than making it harder for people to raise their children with some sense of social balance?
timr says
yes, you’re all so funny. this is actually a real issue for some people. i could potentially lose my home and much else due to the fact that i cannot marry the man i’ve been with for 12 years. i do think it is a laudable decision. the situation is not fair. most celebrities do more damage to the institution of marriage than any gay person ever could. i have read around that brad pitt is one of the most well liked actors in hollywood, easy to work with and respectful. (see www. radar.com and their hollywood insider poll). this may indeed be just another celebrity trying to plug a move, but at least it’s better than putting your (?) baby on the cover of a magazine and believing it’s normal to sue people who say you’re gay. go brad! we already loved you and now we have an even better reason to.
sean combs says
This is very stupid of him. Marriage is a commit between two people which should be because of love and not because people are doing it. This just goes to confirm the decreasing significance of actual marriages in our world today. Anyway, who even cares whether he gets married or not. That is his life.
Kparone says
Wow, first, I think all the people that are commenting about the fact that Brad didn’t specify about what who meant with his statement are also the people that need ‘caution-hot’ printed on their coffee cups. People are claiming as if they are unsure about to whom Brad and Angelina are making a stand for and make jokes about it when they are making a stand for something that is obviously really important to them and to the world. PRETENDING not to know of whom he speaks is just plain ignorance and disrespect to their cause. At least it’s a meaningful one. How meaningful has your life been? How many people have you stood up for, or have you only jested at others who have stood up to fight against something because they were different than you? It is the ignorance of people that they are fighting against in the first place. There are stubborn laws and doctrines that need to be appealed and changed so that we can truly have freedom. How would anyone like to be told that they couldn’t marry the person that they love, no matter how long they’ve been together? How would you like to be told that the one you love can’t be covered under your medical insurance, or add them to your life insurance so you could have peace of mind that they will be alright, at least financially, should anything happen to you? IT’S PREJUDICED!! It’s not right and nobody should make jokes about it, or the people in the spotlight brave enough to make a stand for it. I envy them, not for their fame, but how they are able to be a voice that spreads a message farther than I ever could. I am grateful to them and all others who do with their fame what others without it cannot. They have done so much to help people, and even when they are mocked they continue fighting not just for equality, but for a better world. Thank you for your efforts, Brad, Angelina. I support you.
John Wadsworth says
Kparone Says: “…. PRETENDING not to know of whom he speaks is just plain ignorance and disrespect to their cause.” There was no pretending. If Brad wanted to stand up for gays and lesbians, he certaintly used language far more ambiguous than the English language would permit to say so. Nor is their any ignorance. Even if I assume he was standing up for gays and lesbians, it is not – in my humble view – a cause worth a warm pitcher of spit. As for disrespect – I will make no bones about it – I have nothing but contempt for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They have done more damage to the institution of marriage than anyone else I know. They started off by trashing two marriages – their own and each others. Then, they chose not to marry before having children – making illegitimacy fashionable rather than contemptible and shameful. Then they decided to air their dirty laundry regarding the whole mess in the public eye – hobnobbing all over Africa in the process – as if to say, “Marriage is worthless. See how well we are doing without it?.” And now they have the unmitigated audacity to politicize marriage, claiming they will marry “when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.” Apparently, marriage, to them, does not symbolize the love and commitment that it does to everyone else. If this were not true, they would have been married without further ado – right after the ink on their divorce papers dried. That they chose to dangle the possibility of their marriage in the public eye – after all of that – shows them to be the contemptible creatures they really are. Oh, yeah, I defended poor people, minorities and foreigners against criminal charges for the better part of two decades. My life is very meaningful, thank you. More meaninful than theirs and yours, apparently, if you really must put Brad and Angelina up on a pedestal.
kaye says
I take three issues with Mr. Wadsworth’s comment:
1) Referring to gay and lesbian rights as a cause not “worth a warm pitcher of spit” is contemptible. Call me crazy, but even as a heterosexual I’m just not all that keen on hate crimes and government sanctioned discrimination, no matter the country in which it’s occurring.
2) With divorce levels rising to well over 50%, the “love and commitment” of the “institution of marriage” has had problems for far longer than it took two American actors to get pregnant and go “hobnobbing all over Africa”.
3) She’s not been married for a number of years, as she was divorced when her young son was a baby so technically speaking, only one marriage was “trashed”.
But it is good to know that it’s possible to chastise people for putting the two of them on a pedestal while you make them out to be the bane of all things good and pure.
John Wadsworth says
Dear Kaye, I have three things to say in reply:
1. The “cause” of gay rights has moved beyond seeking toleration. They have their toleration. The U.S. Supreme Court has seen to that, at least, in the States. Hence, the “cause” has nothing further to do with “hate crimes” or “government sanctioned discrimination” as you suggest. What they now want is social “ACCEPTANCE” of their lifestyle as a “normal” and “laudable” one: ergo, the push for same sex marriage. To be sure, gays and lesbians should never suffer intolerance; no one should. But “acceptance” is going too far. It is certainly more than any class of people praciticing perversion deserve. Thus, the “cause” – NOW – as opposed to the one you have envisioned – isn’t worth a warm pitcher of spit (or any other liquid refuse of your choice).
2. Your second point is a non-starter. If you mean to say that we should tolerate activities which degrade the institution of marriage since marriage is dying anyway – then I consider your logic “contemptible.” This is the same logic, I think, that vultures use when dining on a creature not quite dead. If you are saying that Brad and Angelina have had no further negative impact on marriage, I believe you are wrong. For better or worse (and I think worse), Brad and Angelina ARE examples of behavior to those societies in which they have exposure. The fact they have established a family together outside of marriage (i.e. in bearing a child and jointly adopting another), sends the message that marriage is unwanted and/or unnecessary in order to practice these hitherto marital activities. Add to this the trashing of Brad’s marriage, Angelina’s TWO prior trashed marriages (as I stand corrected), and the politicizing of their potential marriage in the future – and it becomes unmistakable that they have trivialized marriage to that of a contemptible little institution. Had the two kept their private lives and viewpoints to themselves, and not made a public spectacle of their contempt for marriage, I would have dismissed the whole thing as merely “their problem.”
3. I stand corrected insofar as she had divorced her second husband, Billy Bob Thornton, in 2003. Maybe she didn’t like “them taters, hmmmmm.” So now she’s on her third “significant other” in public. Isn’t serial polyandry just wonderful?
wasaaye says
Fucked up angelina julia u r fucking bitch N now u become a lesbian
gir says
Dr. John Wadsworth and Mr. wasaaye.
Angelina The Meana says
Brad Pitt has lost his faith in God since he’s been with Angelina. He probably worships the devil now. Having all these kids out of wedlock is disgusting. Angelina is so proud of herself. She wants the world to think she is a good mother but a good mother wouldn’t be getting naked on television. She needs to keep her clothes on because she looks sickly. Jennifer Aniston has a better figure than Angelina. Angelina must have throwed some kind of voo doo dust in Brad’s eyes because he is so blind now and stupid!
Bill says
lmao, sounds like they just don’t want to get married.
Lover says
I like big black hairy wet vibrating dilllllldoooooos
WTF says
Does that mean that Angelina is secretly a man??
J Bollocks says
What the fuck is it with “off their tits” American actors?