Angelina Jolie is believed to be going spastic at recent reports that Brad Pitt might be having “a bit laugh and carry on? with a mystery woman on the set of his new film.
However, these ?beliefs? and ?reports? are coming from a turgid UK rag owned by pornography-king Richard Desmond, and there seems to be a bit of a cloud hanging over our tabloid press at the minute. we're not convinced of any Woodward and Bernstein ?style investigative journalism at work.
However, there is a photo of a woman touching his arm. Yes, you heard right. The dirty swine. His ARM is absolutely up to its nuts in hand BLART.
In the interests of complete transparency of the British press, we review the evidence in more detail?
First of all, this ?mystery woman?. Just who is she, what is her job, why is she occasionally seen near Brad?
There seem to be few indications, other than the fact that she has only been photographed on the film set where she seems a constant presence, prominently wearing a production-staff ID around her neck and a copy of the shooting schedule clipped to her belt. THERE JUST AREN?T ANY CLUES! It's almost like she works there or something.
Why are they spending so much time together? According to a ?source?, ?they're always hanging out during filming and laughing.? What can this mean? Why only during filming? IT DOESN?T MAKE SENSE! And what's with all this laughing? What can the millionaire Brad Pitt possibly have to laugh about?
And of course, the truly damning piece of evidence ? the arm-touching photo.
Oh do you know what, we can't be bothered. we're going to go out on a limb(!) and say that a female production runner on forthcoming film World War Z had to grab the arm of doe-eyed imbecile Brad Pitt to steer him in the direction of his next scene, if only to prevent him repeatedly banging into a brick wall with mounting confusion like the over-grown toddler he actually is.
And that a gossip rag more contemptible than even us has published the picture and is now encouraging it's readers to wonder if Angelina now feels the way Jennifer Aniston did when Brad was merrily bursting Jolie on set. Classy.
we're going to stake our reputation on the belief that Brad Pitt is not having an affair. And that Brad Pitt?s arm is not having an affair with a woman?s hand. And ? very importantly ? that Brad Pitt?s penis is not having an affair with a woman?s inner vaginal walls.
That last part is DEFINITELY not the case.
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k says
You will never get me to believe the hand and the arm are not having an affair. If you don’t watch those body parts constantly they begin a mind of their own. Look what happened between Brad’s buttocks and Angelina’s overblown lips!
BullFighter says
Absolutely love this article. Yes, the not so mysterious and not so stunning woman is an assistant on set, and Brad is exactly as you described, they may have thought of using straps to guide him but not so good for the image of a zombie killing hero.
Alas some people are waiting to draw Angelina’s blood and would actually enjoy any pain she may endure should their relationship ever wain. A sad inditement on society, if Angie was not such a beautiful, talented, enigmatic, complex lass folk would feel less threatened. Mediocrity is applauded and exceptional beauty feared. Meanwhile Brad and his love are planning on enjoying their time living on a luxury yacht while he shoots some of the scenes. Again, brillaint article, love the irony, give this author a raise!