Boring Germans Want To Ban Video Game Violence

Tssk. Those Germans, eh?

Honestly - what with their consistent work ethic, efficient public transport, thriving economy and the like - it's almost if they think they're better than our glorious Sun-reading nation.

Well, by the righteously-rotting corpse of Winston Churchill, there's still one area in which those pesky sausage-eaters are second-best. Which one, you ask? Why, the wonderful world of video game violence.

Apparently:

"Players and creators of video games could face imprisonment for acts of virtual violence under draft legislation being drawn up by two of Germany's state governments. Politicians in Bavaria and Lower Saxony have proposed a new offence that will punish "cruel violence on humans or human-looking characters" inside games. Early drafts suggest that infringers should face fines or up to 12 months' jail for promoting or enacting in-game violence."

Man - this is really bad news. There we were at hecklerspray towers, just putting the final encoding touches to our brand new PS3 masterpiece Attack Of The Russell Brands - officially the only game where you get the satisfaction of shooting bullets into the face of that gurning E4-sponsored chancer several times over (before his haircut takes on a life of its own, scuttling away like those little potato-beast things in Half-Life).

Anyway. What with this bizarre knee-jerk nonsense upstanding moral stance the Germans are taking, it looks like this is going to have a huge effect on the International Video Games market. So much so that we've scrapped the Brand idea and come up with a new batch of products - the Hecklerspray Non-Violent Gaming Range!

Titles so far include:

Grand Theft Auto: Tea And Biscuits

Halo 3: Treaty-Signin' Action

Harold From Neighbours And His Friendly Chin

Super Mario In Atkins Diet World

Pong 2: Oh, Just Have The Fucking Ball, Then

Memoirs Of A Geisha - The Game

Happy-Bappy The Mildly-Retarded Dancing Squirrel

Dinner Party 7: It's Boggle Time

Place your orders now, kids.

Read more:

German Gamers Face Jail For Acts Of Virtual Violence - Guardian Unlimited