Hey, get this; we just heard that Mel Gibson wasn't actually arrested for saying that the Jews were responsible for all the wars in the world – he was actually arrested for drink driving. They kept that one quiet, didn't they?
In all the fuss about Mel Gibson saying that Jews were a bit rubbish, the actual reason that Mel Gibson was arrested in the first place – driving way too fast around Malibu while chugging a bottle of tequila – got slightly overlooked. However, thanks to the good old American plea bargain, it looks like Mel Gibson now won't have to go to jail for his drink driving. Good job too – as Mel Gibson owns Malibu, he also owns any jails in the vicinity, and – if sentenced – no doubt would have had them all demolished and replaced with a 1,000 foot statue of Braveheart roaring in victory atop a giant pair of sugar tits.
When it hit a few weeks ago, the Mel Gibson drink driving Jew-slagging story was all-encompassing. For a few days you couldn't move for in-depth discussions about whether you become a prick when you're drunk or you just become more of a prick, brain-shatteringly brilliant Mel Gibson Haikus and the heartwarming sight of everyone on planet Earth at least once calling a woman "sugar tits" in honour of Mel Gibson.
Of course Mel Gibson reacted as any man arrested for drink driving, offering to anally rape the arresting officer while telling him how fucked his life is, claiming ownership to a 27-mile strip of California coastline, blaming every single conflict in the history of the world on the Jews and calling a woman "sugar tits" would – Mel Gibson apologised, checked himself into rehab and then apologised a bit more. Celebrity reaction to Mel Gibson's mistake was mixed; Jodie Foster and Patrick Swayze forgave Mel but Spartacus didn't while, upset at all the attention on Mel Gibson, Robin Williams got drunk and went to rehab too.
Most of the discussion centred on the comments Mel Gibson made about the Jews, and sort of brushed aside the fact that Mel Gibson was caught driving at 85mph while way over the limit with an open bottle of tequila on him. And yesterday Mel Gibson's drink driving case came up – not that he needed to worry, though; thanks to our old friend the plea bargain Mel Gibson missed out on jail, instead having to do all that rehab and alcohol awareness stuff instead.
Although he wasn't present at the court yesterday, Mel Gibson pleaded no contest to a count of driving while over the legal limit, and the misdemeanor charges of driving while impaired and driving with an open container were dismissed. So that full Mel Gibson drink driving sentence in full includes an order to attend a 12-step rehabilitation programme five times a week for the next four and a half months and then three days a week for the following seven and a half months, a three-month alcohol-abuse education programme, a 90-day revocation of his driving licence and three years probation.
Plus Mel Gibson has to watch What Women Want every single day for the rest of his life until he fully understands that getting boozed up and slagging off all the Jews hasn't been the only crime he's ever committed.
Read more:
Mel Gibson Gets Probation For D.U.I Charge – New York Times
[story by Stuart Heritage]