Boozed-Up Sex Tape Star Jessica Sierra Banned From Army Gig

There are two things that soldiers enjoy - one is shooting foreigners and the other is watching hungover, coked-out amateur porn stars who used to be on a reality TV show slur out one halfhearted Bonnie Tyler cover version after another.

But that's not going to happen, because an American charity has decided that it doesn't want our new favourite good girl gone bad (or bad girl gone worse? Crap girl gone terrible?) Jessica Sierra to perform at a Washington Christmas tribute concert for US troops on Friday, thanks to her currently being held in custody for violating her parole in an embarrassingly drunk, vomit-stained, sexually-propositioning way, and also because of the imminent internet release of the grubby-looking Jessica Sierra sex tape.

But, undeterred, Jessica Sierra has vowed to help the army out in any way she can despite the concert snub, which is why this week she'll be offering sad-faced handjobs to crooked prison guards in return for donations to the war effort. Possibly.

Long-forgotten American Idol reject Jessica Sierra is like the seedy flipside to our old friend Vanessa Hudgens. When Vanessa Hudgens got naked earlier in the year, there was a spirit of naive innocence about it which, rather than harming her career, actually enhanced it somewhat.

And while news of a Jessica Sierra sex tape and reports of her multiple arrests have made Sierra a bigger name than ever, it's hardly likely to enhance any career of hers apart from being the first choice of destination for grotty, filth-encrusted Florida cab drivers when obviously poor tourists ask them if they know where they can have a good time.

The Jessica Sierra story so far is an enduring classic - voted off American Idol early on two years ago, Jessica Sierra made a name for herself recently by getting arrested for throwing a cocktail glass at a man's head with cocaine in her possession, which she neatly followed up by getting in a drunken argument with police, resisting arrest, throwing up in the police car, racially and homophobically abusing some of the arresting officers, offering to suck off another officer if he'd let her go and then becoming the unfortunately-timed star of a soon-to-be-released internet sex tape. 

Now, currently held in custody ahead of a court case that could see her spending up to 11 years in jail, Jessica Sierra has to face the sad fact that her services are no longer welcome at Friday's 'A Song for Their Service' holiday concert in Washington to honour serving members of the US military.

Jessica Sierra was due to perform at the concert alongside Mark Wills, Russ Lee, Melanie Dekker, Diana Nagy and a whole host of other singers we've never even heard of, but because of a rule stating that nobody can perform at military charity concerts if they've starred in a sex tape so depressingly cruddy-looking that it makes the final scenes of Requiem For A Dream look like Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, organisers MoveAmericaForward.org have decided that she's no longer welcome.

Retired Air Force Lt. Col. Buzz Patterson said of Jessica Sierra in a statement:

"While we appreciate Ms. Sierra's past efforts to support U.S. troops, including performing for them in Iraq on Independence Day, it is quite obvious that Ms. Sierra needs to devote a great deal of time to putting her life back together."

But perhaps this is a good thing after all - Jessica Sierra's talents are obviously wasted singing a series of mid-level MOR cover versions at a wartime charity concert. That's why everyone has agreed that it's better for everyone if Jessica Sierra is airlifted to Fallujah and allowed to witlessly stumble around the city being arbitrarily aggressive to anyone she meets. That would surely bring about the end of the war for good, as it would result in hordes of Iraqi insurgents fleeing the country fearing for their lives because they thought there'd been some sort of horrible 28 Days Later-style zombie outbreak and that they'd all end up looking like her if she coughed blood into their eyes or something.

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Ex-"Idol" Finalist Won't Sing in Concert - Associated Press