Great news! Yes, Sandra Bullock may be devastated because her husband cheated on her with a tattooed Nazi fetishist.

But it’s not all bad. Because now the tattooed Nazi fetishist feels remorse. That’s right - Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee has apologised to Sandra Bullock for all that sex she had with Jesse James. She didn’t apologise directly – she did it on TV – but we’re sure that Sandra Bullock saw it nonetheless.

Hang on, what? Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee apologised to Sandra Bullock on TV in Australia? What’s the point of that? Honestly, she may as well have gone the whole hog and apologised to Sandra Bullock on TV in Australia under her breath in Esperanto wearing a full-body disguise inside an airtight nuclear bunker for all the good it’ll do. You know, we’re starting to think that Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee might not be the trustworthy model citizen we think she is.

So in the last few months Sandra Bullock has won an Oscar for the worst film she’s ever made, won a Razzie for the second-worst film she’s ever made, realised that her husband had an 11-month affair with a tattoo model who’s got a giant eyelashed fish drawn up one of her arms and had to deny the existence of a sex tape where a Nazi pushes a shotgun all the way up her bumhole.

But let’s look on the bright side here. On the plus side, Sandra Bullock has demonstrated enviable stoicism throughout the scandal, possibly because her face has been rendered completely immobile by the effects of modern-day cosmetic surgery. And what’s more, Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee feels bad about having sex with Jesse James now. So that’s just dandy. EW reports:

In an interview with Australian TV show Today Tonight, the Bombshell said, “Sandra, I’m sorry for your embarrassment. I’m sorry all this is public. I’m sorry for everything… I feel like I was lied to just as much as she was. If Jesse was upfront with me in the beginning, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” she said.

If you’ve ever been to Australia, you’ll know what a big deal this is. Today Tonight wouldn’t just let any old idiot appear on the show – Today Tonight is almost as prestigious as other Australian icons such as Today Today, Tonight Today, Tonight Tomorrow, Yesterday Next Month, This Afternoon A Week On Tuesday and 14 Years Ago At Some Point Between Now And Christmas. Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee, you’re in the big league now.

Anyway, now the ball is back firmly in Sandra Bullock’s court. Will she refuse to acknowledge the apology and let Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee fester, or will she be gracious enough to accept it for what it is? Fingers crossed it’ll be the latter – because that’s the only way our dream of seeing a Thelma & Louise-style road movie about one slightly Nazi-seeming woman who’s got words tattooed all over her face and another woman who can only pull one facial expression can come true. Make our dreams come true, Sandra.

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