In 2004 we were assured repeatedly that the jaw bone we were paying $700 for was from the face of the great Bob Hope.

Our patience was tested once we learned it was actually the bottom half of a turkey beak, but our love and admiration for the decomposing comedian still sort of endured. Kind of. Then when we had the chance to buy his gizzard from the repentant people who’d made the original sale to us, well, we jumped on it.

Now we keep said gizzard in our pocket, and squeeze it with our thumb and fingers whenever we wish for a touch of 50s-style comedian luck. You may be gone, Bob, but you’ll always be with us. In our front right pocket.

And now you can have Bob Hope stuff in your pockets too – because his estate is auctioning off his entire dead body former possessions.

We heard once that Bob Hope’s only dying wish was to have his entire body pickled, and then hung by the wrists in the biggest tent the Wisconsin state fair has ever seen. If that’s true at all its probably because Bob Hope was extremely funny. If its not true at all it’s probably because Bob Hope died when he was literally 100 years old and could no longer convey his self-pickling thoughts.

A shame, that – and lest the same fate should happen to us we’d like to publicly state that when our clock has ticked its last tock we should very much like to be vertically cored and stuffed with pimento. Then hang us next to Bob, also by the wrist.

Until that time though, to get close to B. Hope we’ll just have to settle for doing it just like everyone else – at an auction for all his old crap. The Associated Press paints us this picture:

“Nearly 800 items of Hope history, from foolishness to fine art, will be sold to fans and dealers alike at a mid-October charity auction in Los Angeles commissioned by the family of the famed comedian, who died in 2003 at age 100. The auction will be televised live and online by the Auction Network, allowing viewers worldwide to participate in real time.”

And what type of Hope-things might you be able to electronically purchase? Aside from his gizzard? Not much has been specified yet – a signed pic of Lucille Ball, a cowboy hat from one of his movies and a Jamaican pot plantation.

Hey – people would just give him stuff, alright? Stop judging dead people, punk!

We made up the plantation. Mr. Hope isn’t known to have ever farmed anything – except laughs!

Now excuse us while we try that one on the USO.

Read More:

Bob Hope’s Personal Items To Be Auctioned – Reuters India