Bob Geldof Finds New Daughter In Michael Hutchence’s Dead Balls

Once, for almost a week, hecklerspray was a father or something. Days one to four were filled with Merry-Go-Rounds, cotton candy and in-ground trampolines. Rarely have we known such joy as that we found bonding with our boy.

Then on day five we lost him in a parking lot. We're not worried at all because he was strapped securely in a very expensive stroller, and those things are really, really safe. Also, we know the police will probably find him somewhere. When they do we hope they return him to us maybe with a cash reward or something.

Bob Geldof is a loving parent too. Not only does he have three daughters intricately crafted through the majesty of his own sperm, he also wants to adopt one that's not even black at all. This goes against a very strong Hollywood trend. Specifically - he wants to legally adopt Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, the daughter of Michael Hutchence and Geldof's junkie ex-wife.

And the girl's excluded blood relatives are none too happy.

When we hear the name Bob Geldof, we generally thing overblown global do-gooding. When we think of baby adopting, we generally think of Angelina Jolie with her recently exploded pants, Madonna and her baby-shopping, or a lonely Jen Aniston just trying to fill that void.

Never before have we merged the thoughts of Geldof and child adoption, and surprisingly we're pretty neutral on the matter. Who's not neutral though, is his would-be adoptee's surviving relatives. He wants to adopt a child he's been raising since 2000 - an 11-year-old girl-child named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence.

Geldof was married to Paula Yates until she divorced him and scampered off with Michael Hutchence about a year before the singer died on the business end of a hotel ceiling. Their short union produced Tiger Lily, then sadly three years after Hutchence's demise, Yates overdosed to death. That's right - she overdosed all the way to death!

So Tiger Lily went to live with her half-sisters and mix-master Geldof. After seven years of raising the child, Geldof wants to make the whole thing a bit more official by slapping his last name right on the girl. The child still has family members on the Hutchence side though, and they hate the idea of a name change. Michael's sister Tina says:

"It's not enough that he should have Tiger Lily, but he thinks he should adopt her and change her name. None of the rest of us have seen Tiger, only my mother, and that was with the nanny. In seven years he's given my mother just four days of supervised visits. And the interesting thing is Bob Geldof is patron of a charity called Grandparents Apart - a charity for grandparents who don't get to see their grandchildren."

We understand the Hutchence family anger. It wasn't so long ago INXS covered Mikey with white-out and subbed in a Canadian. Then Johnny Depp refused to ever play him in a movie - and now this? It's just too much to take. We think the family should consider cloning - it'll likely help the healing.

After all, that belt buckle's probably still got some neck-skin on it. Use that stuff.

Read More:

Geldof 'Wants Tiger To Change Name' - The Australian