Alex James. Remember when you fancied him? You were cooler than your friends because they all fancied Damon when eyeing up Blur like a sexy meat hamper. Alex James was the dreamboat on bass and oh! How he made you swoon.
Sadly, for The Alex James Fan Club, he’s always been an unbearable peen. We’ve been told first hand by one member of Blur that people have to write his basslines for him and he copies them for live shows.
And of course, these days, he’s an even bigger weapon. He makes cheese and has named some of his children Geronimo, Artemis and Galileo. AND BETTER YET, he likes hanging around with Jeremy Clarkson and David Cameron (see above) AS WELL AS running a festival which has financially crippled a primary school!
The Alex James Fan Club has probably been sticking their collective fingers in their ears for the last few years, desperately trying to avoid the obvious shortcomings of their fave Britpop hunk. However, seeing as most Blur fans from the mid-90s are now in respectable jobs and giving off an air of being a conscientious member of society, they’ll have to try twice as hard to ignore this slop of news.
Remember when James ran something called ‘Harvest’? It was a festival that had food, music and visiting Tories. Alex tottered around in tweed like Lord Snooty’s vaguely eccentric, scruffy cousin and well…
…the festival has abruptly ceased trading according to The Guardian and everyone concerned is now “uncontactable” despite the fact that “tickets for next year’s festival had already been sold.”
The Alex James Presents Harvest website offers no information about refunds and the former Fat Les’er isn’t keen to talk about it to anyone.
His publicist is similarly quiet, although, they will tell you about his new mozzarella and the “foodio” he’s building so he can think about cheese. But maybe Alex is just busy, right? Yep. Busy talking about his line of cheese at Asda, which he recently crowed about, saying:
“It’s generated something like ?2m worth of publicity! It even made the New York Times! But I suppose that’s what I set out to do.”
So far, so boring business. But what about the local primary school he’s shafting?
The local school, Kingham primary, organises its own annual music festival. Alex James used their contacts book and the school duly provided him with entertainment. However, now the festival has gone belly up, this little school is out of pocket.
Headteacher Ed Read told the Cotswold Journal that it was owed ?7,000 for the entertainment it organised.
“There are 200 children at this state school who rely on that money. It’s going to have a huge impact. With the national austerity measures, budgets in schools have been reduced. Our music teacher is paid largely by the music festival we do ourselves. We are either going to have to lose the music teacher, or take it from other budgets which will reduce other parts of the curriculum.”
So there you have it. As we stand, Alex James is not only an irritating tit, but one that could well lose someone their job and bugger up a load of children’s schooling.
We should’ve known really, afterall, he was in a band called MeMeMe.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it
Susie Q says
A brat and a tease, perhaps, but I wouldn’t go for total “tit”. Cameron and crew showed-up at the festival and AJ was just mingling, as host. And I think he gets a bit overwhelmed (and distracted) balancing multiple projects and maybe…the “keeping track of business” bit, gets mixed-up with his being pulled in a thousand directions by his flock of baby chicks. Even with all their quirky names, their nicknames must be rather ordinary. He seems like the “if his head weren’t screwed on, he’d lose it” type; except, it’s such a pretty head, that it’s probably gotten away with so much over the years and might not be able to sort out where someone else’s job ends and his begins.
He’d better fix the school mix-up, if he knows what’s good for him. But the tweed can stay. Alex James in tweed shorts is a lovely thing to behold.