Blink 182’s Mark Hoppus Set Wants To Be The Voice Of UK And American Politics

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People in suits arguing all day in Westminster, that’s essentially what politics is isn’t it? With the Conservatives currently in power and the Liberal Democrats being handed the deputy fellatio position, the UK is as knackered as it ever was under the Labour party.

In the UK, crippling debt is affecting us all, the nation’s credit rating might be downgrade and on top of that, Scotland wants to do go solo. But then again, Scotland will inevitably make a mess of things if they do fly the political nest. One of its biggest football clubs, Rangers can’t cope and has gone into administration. What hope is there for anyone else living there?

You’d assume that all of our political leaders would put aside their differences and think of how they can all help the UK through varying crisiseses. Instead, the playground taunting of “my idea is better than yours” continues and it’s now down to pop punker Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 to help us out.

Supposedly, members of parliament (or MP’s to us plebs who can’t be bothered typing all that out) are responsible for a lot of stuff that isn’t just the boring guff that’s discussed on BBC Question Time. Considering the amount of laptop politicians, it’s amazing that David Cameron hasn’t given power to the @hecklerspray phantom that time he/she/it demanded a bank holiday naked day. As you’ll all agree, it’s an arse cracker of an idea.

The fact that a member of Blink-182 talked about politics will now confuse their army of teenage fans and those who never quite grew out of their youth and worship this stale skate band. These are the sort of people who’d follow any command a member of the band uttered whilst getting solace from stuffing an entire bucket of chicken down their chops in one go.

We thought rock stars only cared about how many groupies they could pull and how much damage they can cause in hotels. But Mark Hoppus mustn’t be carrying the punk gene. Here he is commenting on the Ed Milli Band. You know him don’t you? The leader of Labour challenging David Cameron? Put it this way, he sounds like he always has a bunged up nose and always gets bullied for his lunch money:

“I think he was in a natural underdog position, so their whole job is just to try and make the party in power look bad at any cost. It seemed like everything was a problem with him and nothing was right and he just seemed to complain a lot.”

The translation here being, “Ed Milliband makes Labour look awful and he wouldn’t win an argument with a seven year old in a primary school debate about whether the ocean is naturally blue or reflects off the sky.” But what does Hoppus think of our creaky NHS which fixes our decaying limbs?

“We’ve been living here in the UK since August and we’ve had a few occasions to go to the NHS and it’s a far superior experience here than it is dealing with the bureaucracy of medicine in the United States.”

YEAH, you hear that Ame-ica? Team UK has beaten your asses! Whose number one? That’s right, a combination of England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. High fives, all round. Go fudge yourself with your fifty plus states and fancy pants flag that drips in stars. Why don’t you throw baseballs at Mark Hoppus for treason after he says that the UK is the definitive number one?

Actually, stop everything a second. An American has been to Blighty’s NHS and used our free drugs, taken our plasters and had rub their knees over our nurses? Bloody foreigners, coming here and tapping all our resources.

He’s just as bad as Abu Qatada.

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