Scarlett Johansson wants you to know that she don’t need no steenkin’ bosoms, or no steenkin’ bottom.
The actress, once famed for her Marilyn Monroe-like curves, has recently slimmed down and is a shadow of her former self.
Rather than take the well-trodden path of just wearing spectacles or living in her gym clothes, when she wants to make herself comparatively ugly and be taken seriously as an actress, Scarlett has stripped herself bare. Gone is the long, blond mane of cascading curls. Gone is the hourglass silhouette. And worst of all, the famed ScarJo chichis are now barely a C cup!
Salma Hayek can breathe a sigh of relief, and call off the hit-man hired to take care of her greatest competition for “Most Enviable Chichis 2009″. Her title for this year safe. Anywho, even if the Latina were to slim down, her goodies are so magnificent that nothing short of an act of God could make them any smaller.
Back to Scarlett’s boobs. The actress, 24, has disappointed all those who looked a gift horse in the mouth and took her at her word, when she proudly exclaimed that she would never diet.
She said, only back in February, to In Touch magazine, “I don’t need to be skinny to be sexy.”
In the same amount of time it takes Heidi Montag to work out how to heat a Pop Tart (two months), Scarlett has turned her back on her resolution to keep eating like a pig.
She could well have sat in a plum position; one envied by her peers. She could have remained just about the only starlet of her age-range who was allowed to eat more than a handful of grapes in one go.
Being too blind to this privilege and squandering the Hollywood luxury of consuming anything like the recommended daily allowance of fats etc., the Lost In Translation star went head-first into the skinny arms of a famous pal.
Known best for being about the width of a piece of broccoli, and about as interesting, Gwyneth Paltrow was the person to run to Scarlett’s rescue. And by “run”, of course, I mean limply drag her carb-starved bottom as fast as her atrophied legs could carry her.
In preparation for the filming of the new Iron Man 2 film, Scarlett has reportedly lost over 14lbs. Which is, for those who are mathematically challenged, about 7lbs from each knocker. A source told Star magazine:
“The pair have been doing daily workouts with Gwyneth’s personal trainer Tracy Anderson. Scarlett is also staying away from carbohydrates.” The 24-year-old actress decided to diet, reportedly fearing she could lose out on the roles she wants to younger, more attractive actresses A friend said: “Scarlett has always been happy with her curves, but recently she has been feeling pressure to lose a few pounds. She knows that she is up against tough competition from younger, prettier and increasingly skinner actresses.”
Hopefully Scarlett will come to her senses, once the Iron Man 2 filming ends.
It would be far better, in my humble opinion, to be famed for your timeless curves than for your talent. Any stupid old Oscar winner can claim to be talented. But not everyone can make Salma Hayek go green with envy.
This was a blog post by Amy Grindhouse, who will cut you if you don’t read her website immediately.