A good marriage is like a delicate recipe – if you pour in too much salt you’re gonna eff up all your pastries. And you know what happens then?
The only person who’ll eat ’em is that one crazy uncle that lost most of his tongue to a series of mouth cancers. If your experience is anything like ours, that’s one uncle you don’t want to invite over too much. He tries to float the conversation when really there’s only one thing we want to talk about – the portion of jagged lip that sticks out from under his moustache.
Back to marriage though – good ones, even in Hollywood, take work. And that work occasionally involves bopping other men while you’re husband is wasting away deep inside a prison. Say, that sounds just like Amy Winehouse‘s marriage – at least according to the man who’s moving to divorce her.
If Amy Winehouse’s future song titles continue to be as ironic as her Rehab tune, then its a safe bet her next album will contain titles like Hey, I think I just smelled myself, I’m thinking about firing the literal squirrels that generally style my hair, and Blake & I are still over the moon.
If her songs take a more realistic turn then we’ll just hear her sing all about how Blake Fielder-Civil is moving forward with a divorce filing. Because he is, apparently. And just as well too – once his marriage is broken and shattered he’d be free to love his six-foot tall white-collar crime cell mate in a much more guilt free manner. Even in jail cheating is seriously frowned upon, you know.
Well that’s what we heard – but the Blake/Amy divorce actually has nothing to do with Blake cuddling the man that bought him for two pieces of bacon and a lit cigarette. How could it? That never happened! No – the divorce Blake is currently craving has much more to do with his wife bumpin’ uglies with a series of surprisingly lice-less men. Or maybe just one man. We haven’t ever counted.
But as the Associated Press puts it:
“A lawyer for Amy Winehouse’s jailed husband said Monday his client will be seeking a divorce on the grounds of the soul diva’s alleged infidelity. Attorney Henri Brandman said he had been instructed by Blake Fielder-Civil “to commence divorce proceedings on the grounds of Amy’s adultery.””
Now don’t you fret if you feel personally invested in the Fielder-Civil/Winehouse marriage – just because Blake told his lawyer to get things started doesn’t mean the divorce will ever actually be properly pushed forward. After all – Blake is currently in jail.
Just you think about that for a minute.
If you’re still crying about the whole thing, might we suggest you go back to a happier time. Try this last Christmas, for instance, when you came downstairs and found Winehouse’s boobies in your stocking or something.
Yes, yes we seem to remember reading that headline.
Perhaps it was worded differently.
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
Amy Winehouse “making sweet love” is NOT the imagery I needed just now.