Blake Lively Is Becoming The Poor Man’s Gwyneth Paltrow

blake livelyAre you ever faced with a problem and can’t help but think WWBLD? Of course you don’t, you’re normal. That’s why you didn’t even know that ‘BL’ stood for Blake Lively until you just read it. 

Although you probably guessed that from the title. Moving on. Following in the organic and responsibly sourced footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow, Blake Lively is launching her own lifestyle website all about how to live like you are crapping money on a daily basis and are allergic to Ikea. Girl, this could be the kiss of death for your credibility.

Unlike Gwyneth and her GOOP, Blake has at least chosen a less icky-sounding name for her website albeit one that makes just as much sense for a blog about daily life. Preserve will launch next week and according to a source it will focus on:

…artisans and products, many hand-made one-of-a-kind items all selected by Blake.  Items will be available for purchase through the site. Preserve is all about story-telling through video. Blake will be in some of these videos.

First of all, is that ‘preserve’ as in what rich people call jam or as in those wildlife sanctuaries in Africa where rich people go to shoot endangered species? Come to think of it, I  could imagine her and Ryan Reynolds frolicking on top of a lion skin rug, cooling their champagne in an ice bucket made out of a hollowed out elephant skull. That bitch.

To break it down, it sounds like Preserve will be Blake Lively’s personal pick of overpriced one-of-a-kind furniture, kale-themed recipes (she hasn’t specified kale, but all rich, thin white girls eat kale, so it’s an educated guess), and holiday gift guides for the loved ones in your life that are lacking monogrammed toaster racks or a stack of Hermes playing cards. Yawn.

Wake me up when she posts a fool-proof blueprint for landing yourself a husband that looks like Ryan Reynolds. Or how she actually gets her hair to look like that, because let me tell you that those golden locks are not the work of a L’Oreal do-it-yourself kit.

 

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