Jamie Foxx is rumored to be playing the villain, Electro, in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Now, if you?re a racist, I know what you?re thinking: Jamie Foxx shouldn?t play Electro because he?s a black man, and the Electro in the comics isn?t black. Well, let me be the millionth to tell you that your opinions are wrong. They?re wrong about most other things as well, but, for right now, we?ll focus on why they?re wrong for this one specific thing.
I have developed an open letter to the racists who have problems with changing a comic character?s race.
You don?t know me very well. You don?t know a lot of things very well. That?s not to say that you can?t be intelligent in other areas, but hating black people and minorities tends to take you down a few pegs in every attribute that you might possess. I know that it might be discriminatory to think that a racist is worse at math because of the anxiety he feels in public restrooms, but I feel that I have the right to think that you?re more idiotic due to your stupid beliefs, because you are.
Now, being a comic book fan requires a certain amount of obsessive tendency, so I can only imagine how that tendency applies to your other habits. Do you argue the continuity of Mephisto wiping away the 15th Amendment? Do you post pictures to tumblr of Bane breaking Malcolm X?s back? And, most importantly, do you hate Luke Cage for reasons that you yourself don?t quite understand?
I know that some of you might think that I?m blowing this out of proportions and that I shouldn?t feel the need to respond to the YouTube comments and tweets that I?ve seen which deal with why Electro, a fake character who hasn?t been, and never will be a part of normal, real life, shouldn?t be played by a black man, but I?m not. Because, racists, you?ve done this shit a few times before. Remember when Michael Clarke Duncan was picked to play Kingpin in the Daredevil movie? You guys went nuts!
A character whose main function is to cover the ?fat guy in a suit? corner of the Marvel comic villain spectrum was played by a well respected black actor. You couldn?t wrap your heads around it. Suddenly, your beloved character was now going to be played by the man you feared was fucking your wife while you were at the grocery store, pleasing her more than you could ever hope to. You had to sit through that entire movie and watch the reason that you couldn?t sit next to another person on the bus ruin the legacy of your childhood.
Then, in the Ultimate Comics Universe, Spider-Man was killed off, and replaced by a kickass Hispanic teen, Miles Morales. You guys, unsurprisingly, hated that too. Not Spider-Man! Not the world?s most relatable superhero! That would take at least forty showers, twelve Coors Lights and two first cousin tongue baths to wash away the memory of.
And now Jamie Foxx playing Electro! Jamie Foxx has swagger. He?s a cool, good looking, talented black guy.? And he?s in your The Amazing Spider-Man 2. I just bet it?s because of the President!
You just can?t win, can you, racists? Why? Because you?re dumb and your problems are dumb.
Racism as a whole is ignorant, but racism when dealing with comic characters is like challenging a breeze to a punching contest: you?ll get absolutely nothing out of it and look like as fucking fool before it, during it and after it?s over. You?re trying to defend the sanctity of your own limited imagination, and when your limited imagination is ?This person is lesser because they don?t look like me?, you have no platform to climb on.
At this point, if you are making a stand against the races of fictional characters, you?re literally running out of things to do. It?s not that you?ve tried every other thing, it?s just that you?re so inept that you?ve cut out most of your other options in life and are now forced to pick from the remaining ones, and the remaining ones are all breeze-punching contests.
And, plus, if you?re going to defend a character?s white honor, there are bigger, better fish. Electro will be awful no matter who plays him. His mask looks like the remnants of someone?s item on Crazy Hat Day, nine hours after they decided to eat it, and he was created by touching a power line, in a time period when you could gain the power to change seasons if you just fell in a leaf pile. One of Electro?s main abilities is that he has ?improved strength? and can lift up to 450 pounds, which, in Spider-Man?s world, equates to getting his teeth kicked in only slightly slower. Its okay, racists. Jamie Foxx isn?t going to make Electro suck any less.
So, in conclusion, racists, you?re fighting a battle that you can?t win. Find a new hobby. I know that it will be tough, considering the nightmare visions of your father that you encounter every night, but I?m sure you can do it. If not, then be prepared to keep on looking crazy and stupid. And keep on fearing that Electro is now going to flirt with your girlfriend, because he totally is.