These days, it seems like Billy Ray Cyrus is really vying for father of the year. And this time, I’m not talking about his most famous spawn, Miley, who can’t leave her pants on, has been flashing nips, tongue and butt cheeks all over town, and openly admits that weed and MDMA are the coolest (Not that I didn’t think that at 20-years-old, but that’s hardly the point). No, now I’m talking about his fathering skills with 13-year-old, Noah.
Just a few days ago, Billy Ray was seen zipping around Toluca Lake, California in his Fiat 500 with Noah. Now normally, this would be no big deal, I mean what’s so illegal about a father going for an afternoon drive with his tween daughter? Well, how about the fact that it was Noah who was driving.
Color me wrong, but don’t you have to be 15 to get your driver’s pemit in California (and most parts of the states)? Maybe back in Nashville, or Louisiana, or wherever the hell the Cyrus’ are from, you can take your 13-year-old daughter cruising down some dirt roads in your pick-up truck, and that’s fine, but, call me crazy, I feel like doing it around a very populated city in California in an extremely expensive car isn’t the best of ideas.
Like most people, I got my first driving lesson when I was 15. My family was drunk at my Nana’s and it was 2am and my dad thought it would be a perfectly good time to show me how to drive. You know what happened? I drove my Nana’s car over her lawn and into a small tree (RIP). AND I WAS 15! Noah is 13, driving around the streets of California like it ain’t no thang in a car that costs more than my student loan! She wasn’t driving on a empty cul-de-sac in a small town in her Nana’s ’92 Saturn, like I was, she was potentially putting people in danger, not just foliage.
I just can’t with Billy Ray anymore. It’s not even Miley; she’s 20 and his cash cow, he has no control over her anyway, but I remember watching a video on the internet of Noah at 9-years-old dancing sexy to “Smack That” by Akon and singing all the words. Then I’ve seen pictures of her at 11-years-old wearing sluttier outfits than Paris Hilton in her hey-day.
Now she’s 13 and she’s driving around like it’s not big deal. Billy, what are you doing?! I feel like ever since you lost the mullett, you’ve been making nothing but poor choices. I think it’s time you went back to looking like this guy:
Now there’s a guy who knows what’s up!